Returns and volleys

[jay]

Working on my taxes, taking the morning off of work. I should get small refunds on both federal and state returns. Meanwhile, patgreene has taken the kids to the beach so I can have peace to get the taxes done.

Periodically, I've been trading posts yesterday and today with a few folks on a local mailing list known for its combativeness (sfbay-poly). Accused of whining, of talking too much, of being manipulative... if folks there are really that incensed by my communication style, I wish they'd just killfile me and go on.

When commenting in public posts on topics that are emotionally or ethically sensitive, I prefer to be oblique or indirect, even unclear. I've learned that if I speak openly and clearly on some issue on a mailing list or newsgroup, I lose control of my words -- they may be used by others against third parties, or even brought up against myself at some future date. If I instead use metaphor, obscure anecdotes or indirect counter-examples, I may be misunderstood... but at least I still have a line of defense, in that I can later dispute whatever interpretation someone else tries to apply to my ramblings.

And there's a certain puzzle-solving fun, too... watching to see who, if anyone, on a given group, will actually figure out what I'm trying to say (instead of rushing to knee-jerk reactions or simple interpretations). I suppose that's a bit arrogant, but otherwise I'm easily bored...

Comments

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

When commenting in public posts on topics that are emotionally or ethically sensitive, I prefer to be oblique or indirect, even unclear. I've learned that if I speak openly and clearly on some issue on a mailing list or newsgroup, I lose control of my words -- they may be used by others against third parties, or even brought up against myself at some future date. If I instead use metaphor, obscure anecdotes or indirect counter-examples, I may be misunderstood... but at least I still have a line of defense, in that I can later dispute whatever interpretation someone else tries to apply to my ramblings.

Translation (from the voices inside serene's head and nowhere else, necessarily): I am a weasel whose aim in "communicating" is to amuse myself rather than actually participating in conversation, and who doesn't have the courage to stand by anything he says.

You lose "control" of your words the second they leave your fingers and end up in public. What you're currently losing is the respect of people whose respect I guess I thought you had some interest in, but now think you might just be toying with for some unfathomable reason.

[geekchick]

Accused [...] of being manipulative...

Coupled with your description of your communication (or lack of it) style, I don't know that I'd find that accusation to be wildly off-base, unfortunately.

When commenting in public posts on topics that are emotionally or ethically sensitive, I prefer to be oblique or indirect, even unclear.

I would find this distinctly unhelpful, more like pouring gasoline on a fire. I'm not sure I understand what exactly you hope to gain by not saying what you mean, other than being able to claim "that's not what I really meant" when you get called on it? I think that it should be up to you to say what it is you really mean rather than playing non-consensual games with people trying to make them figure out the real meaning of your words.

[I'm not trying to attack you, I'm really not; I honestly am curious about what you think this type of communication is really gaining you.]

[trinker.livejournal.com]

I have a strong preference online for people who are upfront about devil's advocacy. And sincerity in expression. I really dislike the "leave an open interpretation, and then attack the interpretation, no matter what it is" approach. It strikes me as a heffalump trap.