Day at home

[jay]

Strep hasn't knocked me down -- no fever or other symptoms -- but I felt not-right this morning, enough that I stayed home from work to try to pre-empt the bug. A telecon including hopeforyou (who was also offsite at her place) went well. Later, bad news about the air traffic project I presented in DC last week... the local NASA management group that has been putting together a new program for FY05, and using us as its poster-child for marketing purposes, is now going to reduce our part of the budget to ten percent of the total while warping our purpose into being basically just computing infrastructure support for things in which they're more interested.

Otherwise, I fixed a door closer and a balky lock, rested, and took Kevin to the park and tried to throw toy boomerangs with him. We were laughable. That's perfectly OK. ;-)

This evening, I talked with patgreene, including a lively discussion regarding whether women actually ever wanted sex for its own sake, or just went along with it in order to gain things that they valued more (like cuddling, or attention, or building emotional ties). There was no verdict... maybe more in a future post.

Comments

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I don't think my slow-and-careful approach has put off any potential partners... or if so, their interest was so fleeting and hidden that I was unaware of it. Sometimes I'll observe signals or flirtations cast by others toward other people, but it hasn't been a how-to-react problem personally. Frankly, although I concede that there are more-aggressive women out there (some of whom have spoken up here ;), women with that orientation haven't historically been interested in me, per se. At least not in *that* way. Not to whine or take some kind of omega-wolf tack here -- I haven't been actively looking, either.

What do you do when a woman you're becoming involved with makes a move on you?

If it's small or subtle, I'm probably oblivious to it, not expecting anything of the sort. If it's overt and unambiguous, I've responded in-kind (since I then know that she won't be offended or put on the defensive). Example: Cathy and I had been flirting online for a couple of months before we met in person in May 2002, and I was pretty crushed-out by the time we met face-to-face. And in-person chemistry was there. Even so, if she hadn't stopped and suddenly kissed me then on the sidewalk on the way back from Da Domenico's, it would have probably taken two more visits (August) before I dared to kiss her unprompted.

By acting as though she's just doing it for you, you are, in effect, denying that she has her own normal needs

Generally my partners seem to enjoy themselves, once "warmed-up"... but what defines "normal needs"? Left to their own, I'd guess that none of my (past or current) partners would be interested in sex more often than once or twice a month. In fairness, there are also various medications and health issues on their side, respectively. But if I make advances more often than that, I'm imposing and inconveniencing them, because then they're going along. They may enjoy the journey, but didn't plan it themselves.

if sex is something she's doing just for your sake, then you must be pretty special

Heh. Hardly... relationships have their own balance of give and take. I try to give them what they want in other areas (emotional support, help with kids, cuddling, validation, interesting conversation) to balance their favors done for me. I don't think I'm inherently worth someone else's sacrifice. I worry about taking advantage of my partners as things stand, and try to find make-ups or balance.

not one of those low, vulgar women who fucks just because it feels good
Hmm... I'm reluctant to assign value judgements (low or high) to sexual enjoyment by either/any gender. If it feels good, that's better IMO than if it doesn't. Now the thread is full-circle, in the sense that the original discussion with patgreene was whether women ever had sex just because it felt good, or in essence used sex primarily as a means to gaining other goods.