Day at home

[jay]

Strep hasn't knocked me down -- no fever or other symptoms -- but I felt not-right this morning, enough that I stayed home from work to try to pre-empt the bug. A telecon including hopeforyou (who was also offsite at her place) went well. Later, bad news about the air traffic project I presented in DC last week... the local NASA management group that has been putting together a new program for FY05, and using us as its poster-child for marketing purposes, is now going to reduce our part of the budget to ten percent of the total while warping our purpose into being basically just computing infrastructure support for things in which they're more interested.

Otherwise, I fixed a door closer and a balky lock, rested, and took Kevin to the park and tried to throw toy boomerangs with him. We were laughable. That's perfectly OK. ;-)

This evening, I talked with patgreene, including a lively discussion regarding whether women actually ever wanted sex for its own sake, or just went along with it in order to gain things that they valued more (like cuddling, or attention, or building emotional ties). There was no verdict... maybe more in a future post.

Comments

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

years of evidence
For Akien, this pattern exists ONLY with me, not with any of his other SOs. That's why it's so anomalous. Yet another reason to thank poly, because we might not have known that something different was available. But I know, for instance, that Gary's assumption is that I want him, and to some degree that makes it so (along with other details, like it being an LDR, which ALWAYS keeps things hopping!). Things used to be that way with Akien, but there were certain things that happened in our early relationship that put some breaks in the way we relate sexually, and it's been hard to overcome them. That, along with the fact that it is true that on a day-to-day basis, his sex drive is much higher than mine. Given the right impetus, mine can "spike" higher temporarily, but it doesn't last, and when that's done, I'm done for a week or more. So our patterns of interacting are not terribly compatible, and it takes some effort and adjustment to have us both be happy in this realm.


If he assumes that you aren't interested, then he has to work harder to entice you or turn you on... not a bad deal from your side, I'd think.

Nice thought, but it doesn't usually work that way. He hates "always" being in the role of the pursuer. And I can feel "put upon." It's very hard for us to get me enough "space" to organically feel like pursing him, which is something he (and I think everyone to some degree) likes.

I'll have to answer the other part later--Akien woke up and wants a snuggle before work.

(mmmmm, snuggles!)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Ah. That's different, then. That pattern exists for me with everyone... including my LDRs. I have no reason to believe that they want me, per se, at any given time (and past evidence). Even right-off-the-plane. If I want to play, I feel that I need to court and convince them, and maybe offer some favor or nice activity in exchange.

true that on a day-to-day basis, his sex drive is much higher than mine

Until this discussion, I'd thought that that was a given, for essentially all women :-). Does it lead to out-of-sync feelings between the two of you? Or an impetus for Akien to look to other partners?

And I can feel "put upon."

That's something that I'm sensitive to, and worry about frequently in my own relationships.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

You do know that there are low-libido men...?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

It doesn't surprise me (population symmetry, health problems, etc.) but it isn't something that I've heard other men admit, privately or in social settings. And with men, as well as women, there's presumably some variability according to mood, stress and whole-body factors... the same guy might not care about sex for a given fortnight, then the next month be taking care of himself twice a day... that variability I've seen in others, and experienced myself.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

I know some genuinely nearly-ascetic men. Sometimes women seem to hear more about this sort of thing than men do.