dimly lit, but nice

[jay]

This evening, after a bit of friction with patgreene, I went up to House Dreamland's housewarming party around 10pm... it was a party. Pretty good, a bit crowded, lots of people I'd never met or only seen once or twice. My soon-to-be boss at work, RD was also there (invited by hopeforyou... he knew no one else there besides her and I, so I talked with him much of the time. To the exclusion of several other people with whom I would have liked to spend more time, granted, but I felt that I needed to be responsible and welcoming where RD was concerned (and hopeforyou was too busy hostessing).

But I nonetheless got a chance to have a nice talk with charlottesmtms, probably longer than if I'd gone to tomorrow's brunch. And my housewarming gifts seem to have been put to good use. And I should find a way to see brooksmoses more often... however, rosemom wasn't there tonight, pity.

OTOH, rosefox looked beautiful and stylish in her long black dress (another LBD ;)! circusscreamer had a lovely scarf woven through her hair, and she and bikerscum and karenbynight and others were exchanging clothing outfits for awhile... I have a photo *).

There was a power outage at one point... people who were there with a partner or two could cuddle in the dim candlelight. Which diminishes conversation, at least verbal... less fun for the non-partnered, but that's our problem. I actually left the party feeling a bit touch-deprived...

Which reminds me that I don't know the etiquette for dealing with puppy piles at parties, as a general issue. Do I pretend that they aren't there and look through them? Try to avoid glancing in their given direction? Or smile and make vaguely salacious remarks in their general direction? What if the pile includes people I'm otherwise friends with? I don't know whether I should respect their privacy (even on the floor at a gathering) and not officially recognize them as present... or pretend that nothing is going on, and try to chat with them while standing at the edge and looking downwards. It isn't an easy situation, IMO...

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I tend to respond to them by being on the outside if I'll get to cuddle with someone I really like and know cuddling would be welcome with and not misunderstood also on the outside. I don't want to be where someone I don't want to cuddle with can snuggle up next to me. And I don't want to be where I won't be comfortable moving my body into a comfy position for me.

In the big futon puppy pile last night, I stayed on the outside next to deyo, who seemed more comfy being squeezed in with a bunch of women, for some odd reason. He's more physical with people he doesn't know well, I think. (I found out later that he also knows the folks he snuggled with better than I thought he did at the time, as he's been getting to know them while helping folks from HD move from place to place.)

One person there, sitting on the corner of the futon -- no names -- was very shy, and quietly admitted it. When mikz got up to do something else (he was on the other side of the pile from me) I sort of said, "Is there any room for [name of shy person] if he wants it?" in order to both provide him an opening into the pile if he wanted it, and to allow him room to say, "Oh no, I'm fine over here."

He did get in on the outside. I think having a safe, non-squeezy outside-of-the-pile place for folks like him and me is a good thing.

I'd strongly suggest basing your response (Brian, who asked the original question) on the context. At a sex party, I might try not to stare but might watch casually. But this was NOT a sex party. It was just a party where close snuggling was fine. In either context, salacious comments would be out of place unless you knew all the folks in the pile well, and knew the comments would be welcome.

In this particular context, I'd say:
Do I pretend that they aren't there and look through them? Try to avoid glancing in their given direction?
Maybe if you're uncomfortable around them -- but then it'd be better just to go sit somewhere else. Otherwise, no. Puppypiles aren't trying to be invisible or private, or they wouldn't be in the corner of a well-travelled room.

Or smile and make vaguely salacious remarks in their general direction?
Not salacious, but friendly perhaps.

What if the pile includes people I'm otherwise friends with?
When I was in the pile, folks were standing around and having conversations with us. I had a long conversation with Beth from my cuddlespot, and I know mikz and dryadgrl were both alternately in the pile and outside of it conversing, as was I. If the people in the pile want privacy, they should go somewhere else.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

to both provide him an opening into the pile if he wanted it, and to allow him room to say, "Oh no, I'm fine over here."


That was very kind and considerate! Most people would have ignored him, or left him hanging.

salacious comments would be out of place unless you knew all the folks in the pile well

Not the case last night. Although my definition of "salacious" would be along the lines of "hmm, looks like you guys are having a good time" or "that's efficient use of floorspace!"

Maybe if you're uncomfortable around them
Sometimes, both because I don't know how to react and because it amplifies my feeling like an outsider... the closer a group is, the more isolated I feel watching it. Something like that...

being on the outside if I'll get to cuddle with someone I really like

That makes sense... although personally, I couldn't simply join a pile, even on the outside, unless I thought that I'd be welcomed (explicit invitation, as for the guy you mentioned).

I've actually never been in a puppy pile at a party... the closest equivalents in the past two decades were the amoeba-like things at PPPs, and once sitting with a group watching a video at runeshower's place. So the concept is novel, and appropriate behaviors are unclear.