As an aside

[jay]

If getting laid was a priority of mine, I wouldn't dare to voice public opinions that I know might alienate some potential (or even current) partners...

If you're wondering what I'm talking about, it isn't worth your time...

Comments

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

it doesn't seem like that's been happening

In the past few months, it hasn't worked well... before then, it seemed useful.

who would probably end up being wonderful friends who just won't ever get to know you better

Proving a negative is hard... it's hard to mourn the loss of friendships of people I never knew, it seems like an abstraction. Losing existing friends, or losing opportunities to get closer to them, feels real.

First impressions really do make a difference in whether someone feels inclined to make the effort to know you better

Perversely, this has become a disincentive to change... or at least neutral. Taking you at face value, I've presumably already made a bad first impression all around this community. Since this will stick for years to come, it's then too late for any change to positively affect my prospects. And even if I strove mightily, it would never be enough to satisfy my harshest critics. So, I would have little remaining to lose in that area...

long and rambling

[geekchick]

Taking you at face value, I've presumably already made a bad first impression all around this community. Since this will stick for years to come, it's then too late for any change to positively affect my prospects. And even if I strove mightily, it would never be enough to satisfy my harshest critics.

It's never too late to not make things any worse. :-P People can and do change, I think most folks realize that. A lot of the frustration with you I think comes from the fact that even when it's obvious a behavior is causing problems, you don't appear to make much effort to do things differently. Now I know that you have, in fact, made some effort on this front, but I don't think a lot of it it would necessarily be obvious to people who don't spend as much time talking with you or aren't as close to you. The bit I quoted above sounds to me like a case of "yeah, but..."; ("X makes me miserable." "Okay, so why don't you try Y?" "Can't/Don't wanna do Y because Z.") I'm not saying anyone expects you, nor should you expect yourself, to completely change the way you present yourself overnight, that's not possible. I also know that it's hard work; I've had to do similar work myself in the past (and need to do some more, honestly, as I'm slipping back into flake mode recently). Trust me when I say that the work I put in to change some of my social behavior patterns that were causing me problems paid off, because these days I count some really faboo people as friends who probably wouldn't have wanted to come within 10 feet of me when I was still indulging in my previous drama queen behavior. I should note that part of what helped as well might've been disconnecting mostly from the social circle I was previously in; I still am friendly with people who were/are part of that circle, but it's not my primary focus for social interaction any more. The local poly community is hardly the be all and end all of social interaction in your area, I'm pretty sure; maybe you could try a bit of a fresh start too and branch out a bit, in which case being aware of and working to eliminate some of those behaviors which consistently seem to rub so many people completely the wrong way would be a good thing.