jay | (no subject)

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Grrr. My FAA colleagues have finally rescheduled the aviation information management meeting with Defense and Homeland Security... for 11/20, in Washington, DC. The week before the Thanksgiving holiday, but that's James's birthday. Sigh.

patgreene is furious and wants me to quit. I *so* did not need this, this week.

Off to glue on a smiley-face and play host to 30 people at work, all day...

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"I'm sorry, but I have a prior obligation and am not available to travel that day. I can call in to the meeting for the day instead."

*hug* Sorry your day started off on this note.

Good answer.

Brian--have some balls (we know you DO!!). These people should NOT run your whole life. You are not president of the US--they don't have the right to claim your every waking minute.

It is similar to being in the military, in some respects... or so I'm told (having never been in uniform myself). They expect that I will be available for duty with minimal notice, wherever and whenever I'm required.

That said, I'm not required at every meeting that someone thinks I ought to attend. And I'm not going to the meeting on 11/20, after all -- I got out of it :-). Not by stamping by feet, but by being opportunistic (turns out that JL wasn't going, so I seized a moment and convinced the Powers That Be that I wasn't required there, either).

Thanks -- and I got out of the meeting, after all.

(Part of me thinks, " I shouldn't have said anything to anyone about the travel, while working quietly to get out of it. That way, I wouldn't have upset Pat unnecessarily.")

Barn door, horse, and all that, but how much input did you get into this? How much will you suffer careerwise if you refuse to go? What are your alternatives?

I know it's James' birthday, but...

Maybe I'm a bit too pragmatic...you were gone on your birthday as well. It's one of those things that happens when one works with a group of people with varying schedules. I don't see this as anything to quit over.

I know it's James' birthday, but...

Maybe I'm a bit too pragmatic...you were gone on your birthday as well

I was going to mention the same thing ... It's one day, maybe even a partial day, depending on the scheduling n such, maybe even less, if you can schedule to do the meeting by phone/video.

You can always do something with him before and/or after, plus at least your turkey day isn't shot ... in the meantime, perhaps have a present ready for him to open, and a phone call, on the big day, and then perhaps making somewhat of a party for him on Thanksgiving, while other people are there (or wherever you go for that day)

Just a thought, and yet another recipe for lemons ;-)

I had thought that maybe we'd celebrate it a day later, on Friday... James was okay with this. Plus open something late on the 20th (I'd have been home around 11pm). Thanks for the ideas!

Being gone on my birthday... (shrug). I'm used to it. No one has ever given me a party, anyway.

No input into this... and I can't directly defy orders without paying a heavy price. However, if I can convince higher-ups that this meeting is unnecessary, then I'm fine. Which is what I did :-).

Sounds like an optimal solution!

My old friend who also works as a scientist for the government, I told you a little about, Dr. M, gets sent off all over the place all the time, with only occasional offers to give his input into the scheduling. it usually depends on how many other people are involved and how difficult the meeting has been to put together, and also, there are times when I think he just knows he needs to GO to the meeting even if it's completley inconvenient, becuase there will be budget negotiations AT the meeting, and if he isnt' there to throw his weight around physically, his programs/budgets can get scrapped or severely trimmed.... it happens to whoever's not there, it seems.

So, I do understand.

Is it possible for James to have a really cool birthday celebration with you on a differnt day, a "substitute birthday" of his choosing? I don't really know how kids, or this kid in particular, would go for such a compromise. But, what do you think?

only occasional offers to give his input into the scheduling

That certainly resonates -- I can bow out sometimes (and did, in this case :), but often I'm just given orders. And sometimes I *have* to go to safeguard my interests, or those of my organization. (nods)

James was willing to be flexible... but since I'm not going, it's moot. yay!

I've found with my children it isn't so importent to celebrate things like birthdays on the birthday itself, as long as we do something and don't just lt it slide by unnoticed. If, it is an importent meeting for you to go to, then plan the birthday party when you'll be around and do something special as a family for his birthday just before you leave or the day you come home.

Now for your lovely wife, that's harder, when your gone she gets the entire resonsibility of the children and house. You need to find some way to give her a break, and special time with you.

I need to give her a break... I just wish she'd be willing to take one!

*make* her take the break, some time out with other people doing something fun.

hey brian :-)

speaking as a wife who's husband is married to his job, I empathize that you must feel like you're between a rock and a hard place and I know that's an incredibly difficult place to be in.

I know that when Mac is on deadline or away from home a lot, it is SO important to me that he make the extra effort to stay connected, re-connect, spend special time with me, etc., when he is home. If he doesn't, I get pissed off, fast. I also notice that when he's the most stressed at work due to time issues, those are the times he starts spending all his free hours on the playstation or computer and we drift apart even farther. It's a good idea to set a timer and make an agreement about time together/time spent decompressing at those times. It's helped us.

It's no fun to feel like a single mom, when you have a partner and believe me, when you've been on your own with the kids so much due to the husband's job, you begin to resent it. Even the fact that there is a steady paycheck doesn't alleviate it all the way, or even a little. It's way stressful and Pat has a lot on her shoulders when you are gone.

If you can't get out of this travel commitment, I'd suggest coming up with an alternative strategy to make some time with her and the kids to celebrate the birthday. Take the initiative on it, discuss it with her and work with her to make this situation ok for both of you.

Speaking also as a mom and wife, it'd be neat if you buy her a massage and day spa package and take the kids for a day when you get back so she can go be pampered. Show her how much you appreciate her hard work and commitment to supporting you in your job.

*points*

She is SMART. Listen to her!

like you're between a rock and a hard place

yes... sometimes, it's awful. Who do I disappoint? Who gets hurt? What are the negative repercussions, and how long-lasting?

he make the extra effort to stay connected, re-connect, spend special time with me, etc., when he is home.

I've screwed up there, this time... I got home and then immediately plunged back into work. No special effort, if anything I was preoccupied elsewhere. Sigh. And likewise, if I'm stressed and looking for decompression, hanging out with an angry, pissed-off partner isn't a strong draw, and I tend to retreat when I do get home. Maybe delimiting it, like you suggest, would help.

Times like this, I wish Pat had a local sweetie that could distract her while I was less available... I still think that sending her to Washington, DC (LDR) for a long weekend might be a good idea :-).

~hugs gently~

Brian, many hugs. I'd have to agree with dancing star on this one"I've found with my children it isn't so importent to celebrate things like birthdays on the birthday itself, as long as we do something and don't just lt it slide by unnoticed. If, it is an importent meeting for you to go to, then plan the birthday party when you'll be around and do something " . But it still sucks that this is going on and probably has been going on. Quitting is not the right answer just now. But maybe talking to your boss about this might help. Hugs T

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