Restlessly edgy

I'd pace if the house were larger. Thank goodness for household projects... I refinished a 1950s Eichler storage cabinet a couple of weeks ago, and this weekend it received back lights, a dimmer switch, and alternating sliding glass and wood doors in a checkerboard... an abstract china cabinet, sort of. It is now screwed firmly (yes...) to the wall so that Kevin can't pull it over by climbing on it. It should stay upright in a significant earthquake.

The cantilever shelf over my bed got ripped out of the wall in frustration two weeks ago... last week the wall was re-plastered, this week I re-mounted the shelf. In a 6x8 former storage room, I need all of the storage I can get...

Actually, things have improved again with Pat to the point where I spend 2-3 nights a week in her bedroom (our former joint room). Plus it's heated, unlike the garage. She and I went out on our first date Saturday night since our most recent relationship crisis began, 5 weeks ago. Dinner-movie, and "Amelie" was upbeat, cheerful while not too pollyanna-ish.

On the other hand, Friday night we argued... after I took my first baby step back outside in the past 5 weeks (going over to L's house after she finished work Friday night). Later Pat admitted that she was reacting to her own fears of abandonment and isolation, flashing back to my last overnight (10/16) with J. when she says that she cried all night long. It wasn't about L., it was that I was going out one-on-one with someone else for the first time since October. We talked about how she'd hid her feelings from me then, because she wanted my approval... and how I'd chosen to not see the telltale signs then because I thought I was just being manipulated or controlled again (and I so desperately wanted my freedom of action). We agreed that both of us had jointly blown it, and that we would have to both try better. It helps that Pat and I still love each other dearly...

Cabin fever is extant, though... thank goodness I'm headed out on business this week (to Florida and to Washington, DC). In five weeks I have gone to only one poly social event... I'm starved for *people*, for conversation and noise and energy and activity and having to have my wits about me when I open my mouth. Different viewpoints. Hugs. Eye contact. Jokes that haven't been forwarded twelve times before I saw them. That kind of thing, kvetch. After hours of "Spongebob Squarepants" (while missing the Invader Zim block, gir) and seeing the Shrek DVD three times in four days with the kids, I need to hang out with grown-ups for awhile...

longevity prospects

Given recent events, my kids have been worried about death and injury (at least, they keep bringing up topics like "how long will you live, Daddy?" or "Wow, 40 is really old, you must not have much time left!") and how long people live. James went through this at about age eight, but David and Kevin have all of this external input triggering their trepidations. All quite understandable under the circumstances.

Five-year-old Kevin told me at one point last week, "you're really old! You have....(pause)... 58 days left!" Which would hypothetically take me to January 16, I guess.:-) Of course, I just heard today that my travel to Honeybee Robotics in NYC (which was originally scheduled for 9/13) is rescheduled for... 1/16. Well, I won't have reservations at the WTC Marriott this time...

Apart from the threat of terrorists (or errant cab drivers, more likely), my own health prospects are quite good. NASA gives its employees a thorough physical every two years, and mine just finished. My cholesterol was down to 146, and my ratio down to 3.0, so I'm a very low cardiac risk. But the examining physician told me not to preen, that unless I was a vegetarian it was mostly due to heredity (although I like to think that exercise and weight maintenance helps). And all of the kidney, liver, thyroid, immune system, and EKG tests came back comfortably normal. Lung capacity tests were 94-130% of normal for my age and gender, hearing was excellent (no more that 5-10dB loss at any frequency band) and vision remained at 20/50 distant and 20/15 close-up (both uncorrected). On the other hand, weight has inched up a bit (to 112% of my ideal) so I need to shed 5-10 pounds to get back into a comfortable maintenance range.

I got my renewal FAA 2nd-class flight medical certificate signed-off, so I can resume flying again. So medically I can still compete in the next astronaut selection cycle, although I'm running out of time age-wise (new selectees are typically in their late 30s, and are hardly ever older than 45).

Paper accepted :-)

Three entries in one day? Oh, well...

A strange happening... in the mail was a letter from Paris informing me that a paper I had presented at the 1999 IAF World Congress was accepted for publication in _Acta Astronautica_. Two years after the conference. When I hadn't heard from the IAF after 4 months, I had forgotten about this paper (and its sibling at the same meeting) .

I just wish they had accepted the paper with real technical content, not this survey paper... oh, well.