*crash*

Well, my generally-good mood lately had to end sometime... in this case, I managed to have both my jealousy and exclusion buttons pressed in a 5-minute period at the beginning of a gathering, and I spent most of the rest of the evening away by myself sulking (and dozing) outdoors. Sigh. My issues, and not constructive. patgreene actually thought I was upset at her... not so.

The gathering itself was overcrowded, and I had to sit out in the hallway... feeling peripheral and unimportant and unwanted. Getting there sooner would have helped, but we had to feed our kids and it is a long drive...

Time to pack now, I have a 5am pickup....

Happy Birthday!

Happy birthday to the bright and vivacious and startling and persistent tenacious_snail!!

(no subject)

One minor difference between last night and previous instances was that instead of feeling undesir-able and inherently unworthy of inclusion -- that it was about *my* shortcomings, I felt like I was OK. But felt like my gifts were undesir-ed and unappreciated -- that it was about *them*, the group's choices in that context. I was at least as cranky as I was depressed, if not more so. Maybe I'm beating a proverbial dead horse over a trivial episode, but the small parsing difference is significant to me (and maybe shows that some of the HAI reprogramming is sticking ;). And I'm reasonably cheerful today, not obsessing on last night's setback (also an improvement over the past :).