Heading home...

[jay]

Busily packing now, leaving for the airport in an hour, landing around 8pm at SFO. I've been wondering if my email is broken... large numbers of email queries are going without replies. We will just get a taxi or something from the airport home...

Perhaps indicative is that nearly all of the unanswered email this week (not just about rides, but in general) was addressed to various members of a given local social circle, in varying contexts... sigh. I suppose I should have expected as much, given some interactions last week.

Comments

[princeofwands.livejournal.com]

Sometimes it is about you... and even then, sometimes it's just that the queries are difficult to navigate replying to.

And sometimes it's not only not all about you, but it's not at all about you. I know that I'm not happy about my lax habits in keeping up with people over the last 2 weeks given all the fuss and bustle that comes at the end of the year.

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

I don't know when you last sent me email, but housedreamland.net has been broken recently and is supposed to be working again now.

I have the keys to your van and your van is at your place. I need to figure out a way to get it to you then...will have to work something out with other people.

Reminder: I have no working cellphone still, so communications will be have to be arranged otherwise.

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

FYI: I just checked my hopesplace email and didn't see anything there from you. It could be that my mailer is acting up, as I didn't get email from karenbynight the same time she sent it...I received it much later.

WARNING: more unasked-for coaching

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

sigh. I suppose I should have expected as much, given some interactions last week.

Brian, I am about THIS close to taking a vacation from your assumptions like this. It's very wearing, even when they're not (I don't believe) aimed in my direction. I'm tired of trying to talk you out of your own negative self-image and worldview.

Suggestion (take it or leave it, as you will):

For a week or two, try just THINKING the self-deprecating thoughts. DON'T actually write them in your journal. I'm beginning to think that they ARE pathetic attempts at attention-getting, and our responding "no you're not!" (or whatever the appropriate reaction is) is simply feeding this negative cycle for you. You presume nobody wants you around, you say so, in the most pathetic way possible, and it MAKES nobody want you around because it's no fun to interact with someone you have to convince is worth the air he's breathing. Self-fulfilling prophecy.

As I've said before, your deductive skills are excellent. AND in the realm of personal relationships you make unsupported leaps that cause trouble for yourself. Try making some unsupported leaps in the other direction. Try FIRST assuming that there's some other problem that could be causing this break in communication. Or at least try ASKING folks if that's what's up, before stating your fears that they just don't want you around. And while you're at it, OWN that they are FEARS. DON'T label them as expectations (which is what you did above).

(And yes, I AM in a pissy mood--why do you ask? ;^)

Let me know if you need me to model how that might have looked in writing.

[vokzal.livejournal.com]

Incidentally, I think you're damn lucky to have people who are willing to say "no that's not true" to you.