A long night...

[jay]

I'm back from an exhausting 2.5 hour couples session tonight with patgreene.. .it was supposed to go 1:20.

I'm supposed to work on not caretaking, only looking inside my boundaries... on having fun, getting enough sleep, and asking people how they are feeling instead of extrapolating from their actions. Pat is supposed to work on giving me space to feel my emotions and not telling me what they are... and do her self-care.

If she's emotional and angry or crying, that feels threatening, and I'm then quiet and unresponsive. So as not to provide further provocation... in childhood, strong emotions nearby were a prelude to getting physically beaten. She often jumps in if I don't give a verbal answer... if she asks me, I stay silent, then she'll say "I think you are feeling [emotion]."

Time went quickly... I was on the spot for most of the time. The therapist does not like my assuming responsibility for managing others' emotions. And she was not pleased that I don't feel that I can say no... that I need to go to great lengths to try to satisfy any reasonable request by others. Much of our work is going to be on defining boundaries...

Comments

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

This sounds really encouraging (and exhausting). I can identify with the childhood stuff. My biggest fear in life is disappointing people, at least in part because my mother's response to being disappointed/angry with me was to beat me. Eww.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Ow! I can sympathize, likewise. My abuse came at the hands of peers and older kids, not parents, so tends to be tripped in social situations. But without the intense trust issues that I'd imagine would come from parental abuse.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Been mostly offline for a month or so; sorry so late with this reply. I think I got lucky and didn't end up mistrusting people. What I did instead, and I think some would call this not so lucky, is got really good at making sure the people around me are happy. It's a good skill to have, but it can go too far.