my backsliding, exclusion of others?

[jay]

On the one hand, I don't feel like I'm inherently unworthy and unlovable as result of Wednesday night, so that's an improvement over the past. But I have still blown it... I promised myself a month ago to stop looking for external reassurement or validation, and therefore I should not have let the absence of such affect me at all. Grr. As soon as I needed a shoulder, off I went. (shakes head) This is going to be harder than I could have imagined.

Thanks to both dawnd at lunch and p3aches tonight for their friendly reality-check inputs. :)

One thing that popped up in a comment in someone else's journal... about people feeling excluded. I try to not say "no" to requests unless core health or safety issues are at stake for me... not merely for my wants or convenience. I initially thought "of course I haven't excluded anyone", but the idea has been wriggling memelike since then, finally seeding a small doubt.

No one has ever told me that they've felt excluded by me... if anyone has, I hope that they'd tell me so, either by comment or email, as well as my behaviors at the time. Otherwise, I'm going to assume that I'm in the clear on that issue...

Comments

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I would argue that generalized - it doesn't become your job until you choose to make it your job.

The only way I can see to avoiding it is to avoid hearing a request in the first place... rather like the Supreme Court deciding whether or not to hear a given case. Once they've decided to hear it, they've chosen to make it their job... they will decide, one way or another.

[princeofwands.livejournal.com]

Aha, but when they decline to "hear" a case, they do not base the decision on no information regarding the case, they instead accept and interpret the case and determine if their limited time/attention/effort/energy is well spent on the particular request based on what they have been initially told.

Much like when someone says "Hey, could you give me a ride...?" Having received the request, you have the power to consider whether your limited time/attention/effort/energy is well spent on that request.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

You're right, the Supreme Court is a flawed analogy, as they've already received information (and hence a refusal to hear equals a "no").

To avoid making it my job, I'd have to avoid the person making the request... somehow.