If I don't inconvenience anyone, I won't owe them any favors or recompense. Therefore no one will have an edge or hold on me, therefore I won't have to do anything anyone says. What appears as submission in small things is actually to protect myself from anyone's attempt to dominate me in more important things. In the latter case, I bridle and resort to scorched-earth. In the workplace, politeness and seeming accommodation in small things has led a few people to assume that I'd be a pushover... to their regret, when I then trashed their projects and damaged their careers when they tried to walk over me. One guy in the FAA is still exiled to their Kansas City regional office, 8 years later... ;)
Someone asks for help? Glad to pitch in. Someone tells me to serve? Upraised middle finger. That's a distinction.
You failed to consider his long-term desire for your well-being
Maybe I just don't understand the D/s dynamic in play scenes... but after a scene is over, wouldn't the players just go their separate ways? Why would the D-player care about the s-player's well-being, ten minutes after their session (transaction?) is completed? It sounds like that was the assumption that the s-player made in the example cited, too... afterall, I do not expect to have to concern myself with taking care of your needs ?
Brian-care is not your friends' responsibility, not your hosts', not your partners'
Maybe I just don't understand the D/s dynamic in play scenes... but after a scene is over, wouldn't the players just go their separate ways? Why would the D-player care about the s-player's well-being, ten minutes after their session (transaction?) is completed?
Because the Dom in this case was her boyfriend. Scenes can and often do exist in a much larger context of affection. I think that's the best parallel to your situation, too: with friends, with people who care about you in the larger long-term context, you still do things to damage yourself for their short-term pleasure, and then wonder why they're long-term annoyed or upset.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jay
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2004-04-24 11:20 pm (UTC)Someone asks for help? Glad to pitch in. Someone tells me to serve? Upraised middle finger. That's a distinction.
You failed to consider his long-term desire for your well-being
Maybe I just don't understand the D/s dynamic in play scenes... but after a scene is over, wouldn't the players just go their separate ways? Why would the D-player care about the s-player's well-being, ten minutes after their session (transaction?) is completed? It sounds like that was the assumption that the s-player made in the example cited, too... afterall, I do not expect to have to concern myself with taking care of your needs ?
Brian-care is not your friends' responsibility, not your hosts', not your partners'
True. Thanks for the reminder.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-24 11:24 pm (UTC)Because the Dom in this case was her boyfriend. Scenes can and often do exist in a much larger context of affection. I think that's the best parallel to your situation, too: with friends, with people who care about you in the larger long-term context, you still do things to damage yourself for their short-term pleasure, and then wonder why they're long-term annoyed or upset.