just because you want to throw yourself on your sword
Interesting... because when I choose to do something, or help someone, I don't feel hopelessly self-sacrificial about it. I might grumble to myself if it is kind of an unreasonable request, or the third time they've asked for something that week, but I generally am not walking around feeling martyred.
you'd have to live with that knowledge in yourself
Which sounds like assisting in self-abuse, or like I'm beating myself up by volunteering. Which arguably also assumes that I'm not capable of making my own informed choices...
The closest thing I've done to enlisting others in self-abuse was in a certain LJ flamewar a year or so ago, and the other parties did not indicate that they were conscious of the role. Certain I wasn't volunteering to help those guys! Heh.
I didn't think you could make them yourself
You admittedly fight to not take advantage of others... I admittedly tend to put others' needs ahead of my own priority-wise. So there is a natural tension. I *can* make them, but the ethics and basis may be sufficiently strange to you that it seems uninformed.
You can take my sticking around as proof to the contrary.
I consider you my friend, and take your criticism and comments as a gift. I don't consider myself worthless, either... heh. In many respects, I'm an arrogant SOB who believes that the poly community and his friends are lucky to have someone with his skills, talents and connections... but I don't let that side out very often in public.
In many respects, I'm an arrogant SOB who believes that the poly community and his friends are lucky to have someone with his skills, talents and connections... but I don't let that side out very often in public.
Maybe you should? Maybe it would help? Not out-and-out arrogance, but dude... knowing your own worth. It's a good thing, I think.
I'm working on it, slowly. As a kid, any time I appeared to display openly any self-esteem, I got beaten up by schoolyard bullies. Or mocked and humiliated, later on. So I learned to show the world a self-effacing facade, especially when I felt threatened in some way. And then had to be satisfied with blowing the grade curve, quietly, for revenge.
It has taken years to let out this much... but inside, I know my own worth. Damn straight. ;-)
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jay
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-25 12:35 am (UTC)Interesting... because when I choose to do something, or help someone, I don't feel hopelessly self-sacrificial about it. I might grumble to myself if it is kind of an unreasonable request, or the third time they've asked for something that week, but I generally am not walking around feeling martyred.
you'd have to live with that knowledge in yourself
Which sounds like assisting in self-abuse, or like I'm beating myself up by volunteering. Which arguably also assumes that I'm not capable of making my own informed choices...
The closest thing I've done to enlisting others in self-abuse was in a certain LJ flamewar a year or so ago, and the other parties did not indicate that they were conscious of the role. Certain I wasn't volunteering to help those guys! Heh.
I didn't think you could make them yourself
You admittedly fight to not take advantage of others... I admittedly tend to put others' needs ahead of my own priority-wise. So there is a natural tension. I *can* make them, but the ethics and basis may be sufficiently strange to you that it seems uninformed.
You can take my sticking around as proof to the contrary.
I consider you my friend, and take your criticism and comments as a gift. I don't consider myself worthless, either... heh. In many respects, I'm an arrogant SOB who believes that the poly community and his friends are lucky to have someone with his skills, talents and connections... but I don't let that side out very often in public.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-27 12:28 am (UTC)Maybe you should? Maybe it would help? Not out-and-out arrogance, but dude... knowing your own worth. It's a good thing, I think.
no subject
Date: 2004-05-01 06:44 am (UTC)It has taken years to let out this much... but inside, I know my own worth. Damn straight. ;-)