Inclusion vs. safety
Jun. 19th, 2004 09:33 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jayPondering my recent reactions to a couple of events... it occurs to me one reason why I have strong emotions around inclusion/exclusion... whether in online discussions (paranoia about being filtered out of things) or real-life (conversations or social events). It goes back to the schoolyard... for a five-year period, conversations that I wasn't a part of had a way of leading to getting physically attacked, or other highly-unpleasant experiences. Later, it automatically meant that I was being laughed at or derided as weird in some way.
Activities and conversations where I was part of the dialogue or activity... were safe. So I joined a lot of student organizations in HS, broadening my social network there. Likewise at MIT. Driven in part by subconscious safety needs.
Behavior that looks rather paranoid as an adult, or hyper-sensitivity to not being part of some activity or conversation, once were driven by reality... but nowadays my friends are unlikely to be planning something harsh or humiliating in my absence. Or thinking about me at all. So I am going to let go of some of these reflexive reactions...
Activities and conversations where I was part of the dialogue or activity... were safe. So I joined a lot of student organizations in HS, broadening my social network there. Likewise at MIT. Driven in part by subconscious safety needs.
Behavior that looks rather paranoid as an adult, or hyper-sensitivity to not being part of some activity or conversation, once were driven by reality... but nowadays my friends are unlikely to be planning something harsh or humiliating in my absence. Or thinking about me at all. So I am going to let go of some of these reflexive reactions...
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
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Date: 2004-06-20 12:49 am (UTC)Which is, of course, the foundation for any coping mechanism that has failed to work. It was created at a time when it *did* work. But it's like trying to put on your gym shorts from seventh grade before going to work out at the adult gym - you, the world, or both have outgrown the need for it, so it hurts instead of helping.
Good insight. Oh, and what
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Date: 2004-06-20 04:14 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-20 05:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2004-06-20 05:55 am (UTC)That said, the mechanism gets in the way socially... but is sometimes useful at work.
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Date: 2004-06-20 07:40 am (UTC)