followup on the sexual abuse survivor meme

[jay]

Actually, my first sexual experiences with both men and women were nonconsensual... both older than I by a couple of years. At 20, a woman at MIT who (I found out years later) specifically targeted geeky virgins (she rationalized that she was really doing them a favor ! ). At 14, a gay teen in the neighborhood who lured me into a vacant lot, wrestled and bound me under an old car trunk lid. I was afterward rabidly homophobic for a decade or so afterwards... I'm still working on being emotionally close to members of my own gender, but it is hard. And not being cautious and guarded around sexuality in general.

So, it happens to men, too, and there are lasting effects to be addressed, just as with women survivors. But I'm determined that it won't dominate or ruin the rest of my life.

Comments

[archway.livejournal.com]

Did these experiences change the way you addressed the issue with your sons?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Yes... I've been clear to them about what kinds of touching are OK and not-OK from other kids or adults, and that I won't be ashamed of them if something happens -- they can tell me. As well as discussions with my oldest (James) about the indicators of potentially-risky situations.

I don't want them to be frightened and fearful, but neither do I want them uninformed or unaware of the danger.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

The first step in healing is to acknowledge what was done. Bravo for you, love. *hugs*

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks. I don't feel like a pathetic, worthless victim as much... so it is easier to discuss.

[weirdodragoncat.livejournal.com]

Thank you for posting this. We need to hear from men more on this subject. Far too often, men stay silent about their own sexual abuse out of fear and shame.
Thank you for having the courage to speak out.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

It is pretty invalidating... and at the same time, has led me to need safety, typically an emotional connection, before I can be physically intimate...