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Nov. 13th, 2004 06:14 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jayLooking out of my office window, seeing the sunset on a late autumn Saturday... pretty and pink.
I think I'm probably difficult to love, maybe even to like. There are a lot of buried scars and pain and unresolved bad habits. Not that I'm unlovable, or don't have a lot to offer, or somehow don't deserve it... none of those are true, and I still feel that way at a gut-level (yay!) after last weekend. More that those near and dear to me have to be persistent and patient and compassionate and willing to forgive me as I stumble sometimes while working things out. Some days, I look objectively at my own insecurities and angst and jealousy and fears, and how many times I've had to work through some issues, and feel like those close to me deserve a medal for fortitude under fire (wry grin). The faint-hearted or mildly-interested need not apply. Comfort with intensity and focussed energy is a requirement. Each one finds their own value and own rewards in their interactions with me... I can take the right person with me to places that s/he never imagined -- emotionally, spiritually and physically. But "low maintenance" is not me, at least not now.
I think I'm probably difficult to love, maybe even to like. There are a lot of buried scars and pain and unresolved bad habits. Not that I'm unlovable, or don't have a lot to offer, or somehow don't deserve it... none of those are true, and I still feel that way at a gut-level (yay!) after last weekend. More that those near and dear to me have to be persistent and patient and compassionate and willing to forgive me as I stumble sometimes while working things out. Some days, I look objectively at my own insecurities and angst and jealousy and fears, and how many times I've had to work through some issues, and feel like those close to me deserve a medal for fortitude under fire (wry grin). The faint-hearted or mildly-interested need not apply. Comfort with intensity and focussed energy is a requirement. Each one finds their own value and own rewards in their interactions with me... I can take the right person with me to places that s/he never imagined -- emotionally, spiritually and physically. But "low maintenance" is not me, at least not now.
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Date: 2004-11-14 04:18 pm (UTC)Okay, that clears it up, then. I just wanted to make sure you weren't being blind and/or clueless about what you have :)