Out of place

[jay]

Last night I dropped by a "poly for introverts" discussion group... put on by the same folks as the pool party last week. Officially I was there to retrieve the bathing suit and electric razor left behind at the party, but I wanted to socialize a bit while I had an opportunity. It felt rather out of place, and not just because I tend to score "E" on Myers-Briggs. The folks there seemed really concerned with issues regarding how to meet people, flirting techniques, and successful dates set up as a result. One participant talked about his past habits of "collecting" women... ick.

These aren't things that I generally do, and I inadvertently kicked over a proverbial beehive of discussion when I said that I hadn't ever picked up anyone, and couldn't imagine doing so. That, and saying that in my experience women conversely very rarely tried to pick up men, and I hadn't ever observed any trying to do so with either myself or guys in my immediate vicinity. That led to several women discussing their experiences in pursuit of random men and women (and a funny lesbian-flirting story ;-). As well as redhawke humorously (but frivolously... (giggle)) trying to turn the tables on me by claiming that he had seen several women approach me at past events. If that had happened, I would have noticed... (grin). I may be talented and bright, but a babe-magnet I am not... nor strive to be.

The folks there seemed to be putting together a 2-hour workshop that could be given to groups of shy/introverted (not the same thing) participants... yesterday was a planning meeting or overview. I may consider going back to sit through the workshop, if only for the sake of perspective.

Comments

You're kidding, right?

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

. That, and saying that in my experience women conversely very rarely tried to pick up men, and I hadn't ever observed any trying to do so with either myself or guys in my immediate vicinity.

I mean, you haven't watched me in action? I flirt with men (and women on occasion, too) and try to pick them up all the time. Sometimes I succeed quite well. Sometimes I don't. Oh well...

Anyway, the funniest story behind this is that sinboy was supposed to be a one-night stand. Yep. Ask him about it; it's true. How he ended up being a partner of over 11 years is a long amusing story...but yeah, I have been flirting with and trying to pick up people for ages. =)

Re: You're kidding, right?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I flirt with men (and women on occasion, too) and try to pick them up all the time

Hmmm... true, I've watched you flirting with various folks at a distance, on a couple of occasions, but I've never noticed you making a serious pass at someone. At least not at someone that wasn't already at least an um-friend or sweetie of yours, or no one in my vicinity...

Actually, you were one of the handful of counter-examples I thought about, since you flirt often enough and openly enough that some episodes might contain Intent, so to speak...

that <http://img.livejournal.com/userinfo.gif> sinboy was supposed to be a one-night stand

Heh! That's amusing... rather ironic. I guess that it shows that some casual relationships can spring roots... I'd like to hear that story.

BTW, who picked-up whom, back then? (grin)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

If someone were pressing to pick me up, per se, that would have to be direct (and hence be noticeable) so I expect I'd notice. Especially given that I spend lots of time and effort in social settings trying to "read" the people around me, watching for any signs that they're getting impatient, restless or bored.

Given that I'm watching mostly for negative reactions, though, I guess it is possible that a very subtle, indirect pick-up attempt could have escaped my notice. Stealthy, under my radar coverage... but then it becomes merely an unobserved low-key flirt rather than a pick-up.

Poly for introverts?

[technomom]

Was it a really, really quiet discussion? I'm an introvert and find that unless someone pretty much beats me with a clue stick, I have absolutely no idea if they're paying any special attention to me. And I've never tried to pick anybody up. I wouldn't know how to began. (Okay, I did fling myself competitively at a guy back in high school on a bet, and I won, too - but I don't think I could do that now. I'm surprised that I managed it then!)

My partner is a complete extrovert. It's no surprise that he did all the pursuing in our relationships.

Re: Poly for introverts?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Actually, the discussion was orderly (taking turns, raised hands) but a bit noisy. The venue to which we were referring in the discussion was a poly pool party (imagine 80 or so folks in an over-heated swimming pool, like a huge hot tub) which was much noisier *and* dimly lit.

I only tend to notice flirting if it is fairly overt, likewise... I think that that is in part because I subconsciously filter anything less obvious. After all, why would [person] be interested in flirting with me? Plausible deniability...

I did fling myself competitively at a guy back in high school on a bet, and I won, too

(chuckle) Won him, or the bet? Or both? In my mind, "pick up" entails meeting someone at some event or location, flirting with Intent, and subsequently taking him/her elsewhere for more intimate activities. Exchanging contact information with someone new, and then arranging a subsequent date the following week, doesn't construe a pick up...

Re: Poly for introverts?

[technomom]

The discussion sounds even more interesting considering the venue :-)

And I won both <G>