Chameleon-like...

[jay]

A few notes... it seems to me that I often adjust my behaviors to match my surroundings... in the sense of acting more assertive around more-butch women, and more tentative and hesitant (bordering on sheepitude, sometimes) around more-femme women. Either one-on-one or in groups...

And I'm still surprised at how differently I feel and behave when I'm with different sweeties. Not that one set is better or worse... just different.

Finally... I'm in DC now, after two first-class upgrades and a nice long lunch with Nancy in Minneapolis. Tonight I hand-delivered my last V-Day batch of homemade truffles to geekchick, including the milk-chocolate-dipped variety that I designed specifically for her, this year. And she met me at the door wearing a long black velvet dress, something Coldwater Creek-like... mmm. (bounce) And let me pick and choose a CD playlist from her garden of treasures (her music collection is diverse, eclectic and huge).

Tomorrow... MEPAG and a SWIM air traffic meeting, both simultaneously in Arlington.

Comments

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I think many people have different responses to black velvet dresses than they do to overalls and combat boots. It makes sense to *me*.

Thoughts on the chameleon stuff: you've got a very deeply ingrained sense that the small and weak are to be protected and cared for, and not to be aggressive, harmful or intrusive. A femme is more likely to bring out your sense of gallantry. Moi, on the other hand, if you're not assertive, you might be in danger of getting steamrollered (though with the occaisional reminder that I like it when you're direct and stand up for yourself).

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

*points*

I think she's got it!

Should I wear more combat boots?

Chocolate truffles: Mmmmmm. Yum! :D

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

You're stunning in *any* kind of boots! (wink) But I think that I would do well to work on my dress-up-equals-delicate-flower linkage, yes... not to bounce to the other extreme (guys who see femme=potential prey, etc.) but to find some flexible middle ground.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(nods) even when the femme in question *doesn't want* kid-glove treatment, per se. Therein has been a problem for me. You or Nancy, say, I reflexively treat as OK with my being assertive or taking boundary risks (by asking), somehow more convinced that you won't break, or hate me later if I mess something up or miss a cue. More of a "another guy" mode... less gallantry, although I still find myself holding doors for you ;^).

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I see holding doors as a polite thing to do, gender aside.

I really appreciate it when you ask me for what you want. And I won't hate you later, regardless.

N. and I have talked about how you can perceive us as more fragile, or more distraught than we actually are. (but I do understand why you'd wonder at a call from me at 4:30 EST/7:30 EST. Glad to have chatted :-) (bounce) )

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

further note: I can think of a few cues that you haven't picked up on. I adapted by telling you directly what I wanted. I can also tell you "this means X to me". It works well.

I'm durable and resiliant.