post-field crash

[jay]

I may as well own up to it... I've been not just stressed, but fighting depression on-and-off for a few days. Not terribly sociable, and I've had my selfish and antisocially insular moments. I need to apologize to several people I've hurt in the meanwhile.

Reasons? I don't know... every time in the past few years that I return to mundane reality at home after a long trip testing something in a faraway place, I seem to get cranky and depressed about 3-5 days afterward. That, plus this time I received three different rejections of various social sorts from individuals, clustered in the same 5 days after I returned from the field, giving me ample fodder to beat up on myself. And take it out on those nearer and dearer... sigh. My bad.

Comments

[aquaeri.livejournal.com]

I don't think it's at all surprising that you have a post-field crash; I think it's pretty normal, really, after an intense, exciting period. And there have been plenty of additional inconveniences this year. Treat yourself kindly.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Still, it doesn't excuse me from acting as though I didn't like or trust my friends...

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

Hugs.

I get depressed after a big project is over, too. It feels like it could be either physical exhaustion or emotional depression, but I can't tell the difference at a time like that. I often feel antisocial, and I need time to myself.

Julia Cameron writes about ending a project in a way that resonates with me:

"As we try to land back in our own life, we may shoot past our real size and feel like someone very small. This is why astronauts undergo debriefing..." (Walking in this World, p. 258).


Did you undergo debriefing?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Only an online questionnaire about who I'd contacted while outside of the US...

[datagoddess.livejournal.com]

I thought you were, from what you'd been writing.

Acknowledging it, and taking care of yourself are the best things you can do.

*hugs*

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

*Hugs* What soaring_phoenix said. Go you, for being able to own up to it. That takes courage. We're all here for you.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I appreciate that... even while I feel mildly silly.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks, I was spiralling for a couple of days. (hug)

[dangerpudding.livejournal.com]

Awareness helps. Knowing that you need to treat yourself with more kindness then usual helps, too.

I often find coming home from these sorts of things to be both overwhelming and underwhelming. I'm suddenly surrounded by friends and family and snuggles and such, all wanting my attention and snuggles and to see me cause it's been so long. But at the same time, the sense of singular purpose and mission that comes with these trips is gone.

When possible, scheduling a week off after a big trip helps some - lets one ease back into the changes.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Yes! both overwhelming and underwhelming is perfect. Loss of purpose and focus, lots of tiny confused details, and many more people. Although I could have really used more snuggles, there hasn't been all that much and I've carried a deficit away from 2 weeks of no-contact ;).

A week off, this time? Heh... you know the reality of that as well as I do. :)

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

*hugs*

I know it's hard, and having me be housebound because of my knee has only made things worse. I expect that things will be rough when you return form Spain, as well.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

*nod*

I think that there is no transition time between "home from arctic" and "leaving for Spain". And that adds to all of the challenges that others have eloquently expressed.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

That will be tough... just about the time I reintegrate here, I'll be away to Japan (with no companionship for 10 days, since everyone bowed out...).

[geekchick]

I figured it was largely post-field season crash, although with this one the bad mood seemed to be more outwardly-directed than I remember others being. Hope things start to improve for you soon. *hug*

Maybe you should consider taking a few vacation days after Spain before going back in to the office? Give yourself some time to adjust after getting home before diving straight back into work.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Last year... http://www.livejournal.com/users/brian1789/311718.html
2003... http://www.livejournal.com/community/polyamory/631373.html
2002... http://www.livejournal.com/users/brian1789/58343.html

You actually were responsible for single-handedly lifting me out of it, in 2002 when I was in DC in early August ;).

I think that I was more outwardly-directed than last year or 2002, in part because I simply have more of a community and outside contacts now... in 2003, I let myself say what I actually thought, which is dangerous on a public board in a crashed state (wry grin).

I should take some vacation days -- I have 4 weeks, plus comp time -- but scarcely time, only a week between trips.

[geekchick]

Oh, I'm so not going back to look at the 2003 post. ;)

It's really unfortunate that all your long stretches of travel happen so close together, although I know there's not much you could've done to change the scheduling. If you can swing it, i think you should take a few days off work after you get back from Japan and give yourself some time to ease back into things here; maybe it will help to not have to worry about dealing with all the accumulated work issues on top of trying to get used to being back at home.

lots of hugs

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

i hear you. for this post Iam going to just hear you. more hugs T

Re: lots of hugs

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(hug)

Re: lots of hugs

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

Last night was truely terrific.

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I could tell something was up.

Joe sometimes has post-artshow crashes, this sounds similar.

*hug*

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

For a big, preplanned show, I'd think it would be similar. Not just anticlimactic, but an abrupt landing.