I probably shouldn't toss this out here on a day that has started as wonderfully well as this one, but WTH... here's my antonym (negative traits) Nohari here, if anyone cares to respond... (wry grin).
(I have re-positioned this comment to appear in the proper place in the thread. Do no assume that I meant to beat you over the head with it because I put it into your inbox twice. I only posted and erased because in the process, LJ put it as a new comment, not in response to this one.)
How do you figure that? Others have pointed out that there's no way to indicate the *severity* of the issue. I know for a fact that when I made my responses to both windows, I was thinking (for Johari) "On his best days, he's these" (and had a hard time choosing from many possible traits), and (for Nohari), "at his worst, he's these," and had a far less difficult time choosing, because so many more of the negatives DO NOT APPLY to you. AND you are not those thins all the time. Yes, SOMETIMES you have some of those traits, and they aren't great. But for goshsakes, Jay, why did you even DO this if it wasn't to learn something about yourself from the way you are reflected in others' eyes? I'm angry at being snookered into providing fodder for your self-flagellation.
I recommend in all seriousness that you lock this entry before you get into another downward spiral.
PS: It's also possible that someone might have *forgotten* to put their name in. Or that they lost it in the process--on at least one occasion in filling all of these out I had to start over, because the stupid window thought I'd chosen more than 6 items when I hadn't, and I couldn't get it to re-set without going back to the beginning. I could easily imagine someone doing that, and then forgetting to put their name in again.
It isn't that I expect worst intentions, dear... I think I received mostly fair answers in *both* devices. And I value the inputs, even if the negative ones are harder to read without cringing a bit.
There's no self-flagellation. I'm not obsessing, nor do I particularly want some dramafest (note that I was quite restrained in my response to Toni, not escalating after she had done so).
The part that I find disconcerting, harder than my own assessment, is the unexpected. Inflexible? Hmm... I think of myself, at least in the workplace, as making up stuff as I go along, replanning on the fly and driving some people nuts with my flexibility. But maybe not socially, where I have much less freedom to be myself. Unhappy? I think of myself as pretty happy, most of the time, even if there have been some down periods thus far in 2006. But needy... that's scary. I have lived in fear of dependence on anyone, striving to ask as little as possible of others and guarding my independence. I don't see how to be less needy, other than by asking even less of others than I presently do. Plus, neediness is... shameful. So that feedback has thrown me off-balance.
Jay, I would be happy to talk to you about any or all of these, and give my perspective. Do you want to do it here, or would you prefer via IM, perhaps tomorrow? (time for me to head to bed right now).
One note I think is important: You may be put off by the sheer number of items that folks chose, the ones that show up in the "blind spot" window. I'd like to offer an alternative view. Keep in mind that the more items are in that window, the less consensus there is about each item. Also, as it stands right now, 9% is only ONE PERSON. Keep that in mind as you look at the numbers. It's likely to have quite a lot of sampling bias with such a relatively small sample.
Les has it right, in that some strengths become weaknesses if taken too far. I know one of the words I chose in the Nohari was "inflexible," but what I really wanted was "rigid." You are very strong, and when you get your teeth into something, you won't let it go. But it means that you won't back down, sometimes, when you need to (like the flamewar a couple weeks back).
And, of course, another word I think I chose for you (on the Johari, I believe) was "complex." It's quite possible for YOU to be contradicting YOURSELF. You have many facets, and not all of them are always "positive," and sometimes they're positive in one situation, but negative in another. And sometimes they're both at the same time.
This is just my take, and it does come from the "a weakness is often a strength taken too far"
Inflexibility-- You can be very goal-oriented. Finishing the proposal. Showing me apartments. Finding motorcycle boots. You are flexible about HOW to achieve the goal, and this is a strength in many ways. I think you find it difficult to just let go of a goal, decide to let it slide, or to abandon a project that is incomplete.
Needy-- I think other people may be seeing your unmet needs, the ones that require another person to meet them. You're unwilling to ask to have them met, because it might risk your independence. I think this is kinda paradoxical, but true-- if you could ask more from people, you'd probably end up needing *less*. (and I'm also utterly okay with you needing Les).
(nods) You're right, I'm very goal-oriented, and stubborn. Persistent, even. But IMO flexible in the different ways I might achieve some goal, almost too flexible for others' orientation or comfort. This has advantages on projects, but seems to give a funny impression socially.
"Tactically flexible and adaptable, strategically pig-headed"...
*wanting* Les, perhaps, but not *needing* Les... (grin)
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no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 02:49 am (UTC)How do you figure that? Others have pointed out that there's no way to indicate the *severity* of the issue. I know for a fact that when I made my responses to both windows, I was thinking (for Johari) "On his best days, he's these" (and had a hard time choosing from many possible traits), and (for Nohari), "at his worst, he's these," and had a far less difficult time choosing, because so many more of the negatives DO NOT APPLY to you. AND you are not those thins all the time. Yes, SOMETIMES you have some of those traits, and they aren't great. But for goshsakes, Jay, why did you even DO this if it wasn't to learn something about yourself from the way you are reflected in others' eyes? I'm angry at being snookered into providing fodder for your self-flagellation.
I recommend in all seriousness that you lock this entry before you get into another downward spiral.
PS: It's also possible that someone might have *forgotten* to put their name in. Or that they lost it in the process--on at least one occasion in filling all of these out I had to start over, because the stupid window thought I'd chosen more than 6 items when I hadn't, and I couldn't get it to re-set without going back to the beginning. I could easily imagine someone doing that, and then forgetting to put their name in again.
Assume the BEST intentions, Jay, not the worst.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 05:07 am (UTC)There's no self-flagellation. I'm not obsessing, nor do I particularly want some dramafest (note that I was quite restrained in my response to Toni, not escalating after she had done so).
The part that I find disconcerting, harder than my own assessment, is the unexpected. Inflexible? Hmm... I think of myself, at least in the workplace, as making up stuff as I go along, replanning on the fly and driving some people nuts with my flexibility. But maybe not socially, where I have much less freedom to be myself. Unhappy? I think of myself as pretty happy, most of the time, even if there have been some down periods thus far in 2006. But needy... that's scary. I have lived in fear of dependence on anyone, striving to ask as little as possible of others and guarding my independence. I don't see how to be less needy, other than by asking even less of others than I presently do. Plus, neediness is... shameful. So that feedback has thrown me off-balance.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-14 05:44 am (UTC)One note I think is important: You may be put off by the sheer number of items that folks chose, the ones that show up in the "blind spot" window. I'd like to offer an alternative view. Keep in mind that the more items are in that window, the less consensus there is about each item. Also, as it stands right now, 9% is only ONE PERSON. Keep that in mind as you look at the numbers. It's likely to have quite a lot of sampling bias with such a relatively small sample.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-16 02:30 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2006-02-16 02:46 am (UTC)And, of course, another word I think I chose for you (on the Johari, I believe) was "complex." It's quite possible for YOU to be contradicting YOURSELF. You have many facets, and not all of them are always "positive," and sometimes they're positive in one situation, but negative in another. And sometimes they're both at the same time.
no subject
Date: 2006-02-15 03:17 am (UTC)Inflexibility-- You can be very goal-oriented. Finishing the proposal. Showing me apartments. Finding motorcycle boots. You are flexible about HOW to achieve the goal, and this is a strength in many ways. I think you find it difficult to just let go of a goal, decide to let it slide, or to abandon a project that is incomplete.
Needy-- I think other people may be seeing your unmet needs, the ones that require another person to meet them. You're unwilling to ask to have them met, because it might risk your independence. I think this is kinda paradoxical, but true-- if you could ask more from people, you'd probably end up needing *less*. (and I'm also utterly okay with you needing Les).
no subject
Date: 2006-02-16 02:36 am (UTC)"Tactically flexible and adaptable, strategically pig-headed"...
*wanting* Les, perhaps, but not *needing* Les... (grin)