Notches vs. casual partners

[jay]

In earlier journal discussions, some argument has occurred around the use of the term "notch" as denoting a lack of significance as a partner. To me, "notch" equals someone pursued solely based on desire, with no intention of further contact or a relationship afterward. With slightly-predatory overtones... leaving afterward with only a fond memory (hopefully) to take forward into the future.

But, again, having never done anything like that myself, one can probably safely ignore my opinions as uninformed ;-). So here's a poll to see how other folks define the term:

[Poll #55900]

I don't intend to get on a high-horse here, I'm not criticizing those who have casual sex or notches or whatever in their own past. I claim no virtue... no one has ever made that kind of advance towards me, and no one was interested in that way early on in my 20s when I was young and attractive. Were circumstances different.... who knows what I would have done. So no judgments, either way, I want to know what you really think...

Comments

[kiya]

I've only ever encountered one person who did what I'd term looking for notches. I don't know that I would imagine that any of your categories would describe her; I got the impression that she didn't believe in successful long-term relationships (she certainly seemed to resent those people who had them, and tried to disrupt them). And given that she apparently didn't believe in such, 'success' was 'number of ex-lovers'.

I've encountered a number of people who have had varyingly casual sex, though. Just not that many who were keeping score. It baffles me sometimes that I know people who don't know how many partners they've had, but I figure it just underscores that they're not keeping score anyhow. It's just a different way of going at things, to which I say, "No biggie."

I honestly don't understand measuring adequacy by totting up the genitalia either. My ex-lovers aren't here now. The things they've taught me are; the damage they did to me is. They aren't, so I can't imagine why it matters whether there was one of them or ten of them or whether I just came this way out of the box. Relationships are, to me, a here and now thing, and comparing oneself to someone who isn't there anymore seems confounding to me.

I'm a bad person to ask about this sort of thing though; it's not in my natural mental patterns to contemplate, so I just sort of hypothesise when I get diverted into a channel where I might think of such things. So I really think that this is something I really don't think about, but when I do, I'm confused.