Notches vs. casual partners

[jay]

In earlier journal discussions, some argument has occurred around the use of the term "notch" as denoting a lack of significance as a partner. To me, "notch" equals someone pursued solely based on desire, with no intention of further contact or a relationship afterward. With slightly-predatory overtones... leaving afterward with only a fond memory (hopefully) to take forward into the future.

But, again, having never done anything like that myself, one can probably safely ignore my opinions as uninformed ;-). So here's a poll to see how other folks define the term:

[Poll #55900]

I don't intend to get on a high-horse here, I'm not criticizing those who have casual sex or notches or whatever in their own past. I claim no virtue... no one has ever made that kind of advance towards me, and no one was interested in that way early on in my 20s when I was young and attractive. Were circumstances different.... who knows what I would have done. So no judgments, either way, I want to know what you really think...

Comments

[submarine-bells.livejournal.com]

YMMV, but I'd suggest that use of the term "notch" to describe sexual encounters could be seen as being inherently judgemental, at least in most situations that I've come across it. I guess that except in very limited circumstances where someone's describing an encounter of their own in a very tongue-in-cheek sort of way, "notch" is a term that tends to get used in a similar way to words like "slut" - only ever about someone else, and generally implying disapproval of their sexual choices or motivations.

I honestly can't think of anyone in my experience who has described their own sexual encounters as "notches", except maybe either in a very tongue-in-cheek sort of way or as a way of "devaluing" a past encounter that they have had cause to regret. And if that's how "notch" is generally used, then asking folk about the motivations behind "notch" encounters is in effect asking them to figure out the motivations of others. How much sense does it make to assume one knows others' sexual motivations without actually asking them? All you can do is guess, right?

Surely it would make more sense to ask folk to recount their own motivations for undertaking sexual encounters, without using such loaded language as "notch". I think that if you did that, you might get a bunch of much more interesting data. If you want to find out more about other folks' motivations for casual sex (however they may define it), that could be a much more useful way of doing so, I think.