Notches vs. casual partners

[jay]

In earlier journal discussions, some argument has occurred around the use of the term "notch" as denoting a lack of significance as a partner. To me, "notch" equals someone pursued solely based on desire, with no intention of further contact or a relationship afterward. With slightly-predatory overtones... leaving afterward with only a fond memory (hopefully) to take forward into the future.

But, again, having never done anything like that myself, one can probably safely ignore my opinions as uninformed ;-). So here's a poll to see how other folks define the term:

[Poll #55900]

I don't intend to get on a high-horse here, I'm not criticizing those who have casual sex or notches or whatever in their own past. I claim no virtue... no one has ever made that kind of advance towards me, and no one was interested in that way early on in my 20s when I was young and attractive. Were circumstances different.... who knows what I would have done. So no judgments, either way, I want to know what you really think...

Comments

Re: Notches vs. casual partners

[pir-anha.livejournal.com]

i can't answer your poll as written because it asks me to speculate on the motivations of third parties i don't even know. i can, however, add my datapoint on what a "notch" means in my dictionary.

To me, "notch" equals someone pursued solely based on desire, with no intention of further contact or a relationship afterward.

to me it's much more specific than that -- the person making notches for each person zie "fucks for sport" doesn't care about anything other than "doing" a set of people -- those partners feelings don't enter into it. the reasons for that can be varied -- contrary to teal i have actually met such people and have asked, so this is from the horses' mouths. i've seen it be competitive, i've seen it be really screwed up lack of belief in anything better, i've seen it be validation of self. there are probably more reasons.

if i saw somebody use "notch" about somebody else's sexual behaviour i'd consider that to be inherently judgmental; it's not a complimentary term in my book. and i wouldn't use it unless i strongly disapproved of what somebody was doing; ie. having sex under false pretenses, and i _knew_ that this was happening.

"casual partner" doesn't have any such negative connotations for me. it just means that there are no particular strings attached to the sexual relationship. it doesn't have the same undertone of the partner being a mere conquest, an object to use and then leave behind, somebody about whose feelings one doesn't give a damn. there is IMO not a thing wrong with casual sex -- i don't do it because i don't care enough for sex, otherwise i'd possibly engage in it too if i met somebody with whom that seemed to be a good form of relationship (short or long, i don't think all casual relationships are automatically short-term).

-piranha