jay | Social contraction

Today I passed on two social events that I would have otherwise quite enjoyed, because prominent members of the (for lack of a better term)

dot_cattiness group were going to be there. And I'm conflict-averse, in my personal life. Last weekend,

patgreene stayed home from another event because she didn't want to go alone, and I wasn't going because of the same personal-enemy-present considerations. The end result is that my social connections and opportunities are contracting, a not-unexpected outcome of last month.

At the same time, I feel terminally awkward and insufficiently cool to hang out with, say, the House Dreamland folks and their circles of friends... I was planning to go to

rosefox's birthday gathering in SF tomorrow night, but now I'm not sure. And reading

bikerscum's comments about his "network of affectionates," I feel both a bit envious and creeped-out at the same time... and wonder what any mutual friends could see in both me and someone like the other Bryan. Our values and actions and backgrounds are so conflicting, and so different.