Social contraction

[jay]

Today I passed on two social events that I would have otherwise quite enjoyed, because prominent members of the (for lack of a better term) dot_cattiness group were going to be there. And I'm conflict-averse, in my personal life. Last weekend, patgreene stayed home from another event because she didn't want to go alone, and I wasn't going because of the same personal-enemy-present considerations. The end result is that my social connections and opportunities are contracting, a not-unexpected outcome of last month.

At the same time, I feel terminally awkward and insufficiently cool to hang out with, say, the House Dreamland folks and their circles of friends... I was planning to go to rosefox's birthday gathering in SF tomorrow night, but now I'm not sure. And reading bikerscum's comments about his "network of affectionates," I feel both a bit envious and creeped-out at the same time... and wonder what any mutual friends could see in both me and someone like the other Bryan. Our values and actions and backgrounds are so conflicting, and so different.

Comments

Social expansion...

[purpletigron.livejournal.com]

Hey - I can't get to rosefox's party tomorrow night ... so consider going and raising a glass for me, eh???

You are way cool enough to hang out with those cool Dreamland guys!!!! (And I'm not just saying that because I'm a Mars junkie :-)

[bdot.livejournal.com]

i feel the same way about most of the social functions i attend. i feel that i don't really belong, that others might wonder why i bothered to show up at all, that i should leave... and sometimes i do.

but if i never forced myself to go to that first PPP, i wouldn't have met most of the people i hang out with right now. i *will* go to the party tomorrow night, even though dance clubs are not my thing. i have my little black dress all ready to go...even if my slightly bigger body doesn't look great in it right now.

i might have fun, i might not. i can always leave if i want to. but i won't know unless i go.

i'm going to cross post this to my journal, modifying it a bit. i like what i wrote! thanks for helping me get this insight!

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

And reading bikerscum's comments about his "network of affectionates," I feel both a bit envious and creeped-out at the same time...

Creeped-out? Why?

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

Our values and actions and backgrounds are so conflicting, and so different.

Have you ever thought that perhaps that difference is part of why people enjoy having both of you as friends? Yes, your actions may very well be very differnt from each other, as well as other things. This world has all kinds of people. We are humans thinking, creatues and we should be able to get along inspite of view-points and values that might be differnt.

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

You may be giving these people more power than they want/deserve/warrant in your life. Could you go and then leave if it's overly unpleasant? Otherwise, you're letting other people set your social schedule, and that seems counterproductive to me.

Oh, and my friends are a diverse lot, indeed, and I LIKE it that way.

*hugs*

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

We're going to Dreamland on Saturday, and I know you're certainly cool enough for me and deyo.

[wordweaverlynn.livejournal.com]

Umm. I think I may have stumbled into something. I hope it's not a complicated, unpleasant, and painful social mess.[checking bottom of shoe] I've seen this kind of thing before -- in nearly a decade online, that's not surprising.

I belong to dot_cattiness. I also feel quite friendly toward you and patgreene. I missed the flamewar, whatever it was.

I don't -- yet -- know most of the Bay Area LJ folk in 3D, though I met some at a party a few weeks ago. (And they were really nice.) All I have is your words. I'm not going to take sides, and I hope very much that nobody is going to try to assign me one.

[geekchick]

wonder what any mutual friends could see in both me and someone like the other Bryan. Our values and actions and backgrounds are so conflicting, and so different.

As others have said, diversity is a good thing. If all of my friends were exactly like me, frankly I'd probably be pretty bored. I suspect that your mutual friends see good qualities in both of you, I'm not sure why that seems to be hard for you to accept.

[vokzal.livejournal.com]

Well, come to the city and hang out at bookstores with me. Oddly enough, I've taken to cruising at bookstores. I think I need to hang out at better bookstores though.