Social contraction

[jay]

Today I passed on two social events that I would have otherwise quite enjoyed, because prominent members of the (for lack of a better term) dot_cattiness group were going to be there. And I'm conflict-averse, in my personal life. Last weekend, patgreene stayed home from another event because she didn't want to go alone, and I wasn't going because of the same personal-enemy-present considerations. The end result is that my social connections and opportunities are contracting, a not-unexpected outcome of last month.

At the same time, I feel terminally awkward and insufficiently cool to hang out with, say, the House Dreamland folks and their circles of friends... I was planning to go to rosefox's birthday gathering in SF tomorrow night, but now I'm not sure. And reading bikerscum's comments about his "network of affectionates," I feel both a bit envious and creeped-out at the same time... and wonder what any mutual friends could see in both me and someone like the other Bryan. Our values and actions and backgrounds are so conflicting, and so different.

Comments

[geekchick]

wonder what any mutual friends could see in both me and someone like the other Bryan. Our values and actions and backgrounds are so conflicting, and so different.

As others have said, diversity is a good thing. If all of my friends were exactly like me, frankly I'd probably be pretty bored. I suspect that your mutual friends see good qualities in both of you, I'm not sure why that seems to be hard for you to accept.

[geekchick]

That last bit might've come out sounding a bit harsh, but it really wasn't meant to be. Sorry.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Because embracing quality A in person 1 isn't consistent with similarly embracing quality not-A in person 2?

[geekchick]

Do you really pick your friends based on single issues like that? It's more a matter of liking A and D about person 1 and D and X about person 2, in my experience. My friends all have multiple qualities that I find attractive, some of which overlap and some of which don't.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

What she said. Variety is, after all, the spice of life.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Brian, you are SUCH a geek. And I mean that in a nice way. But really, this entry needed your "quantification of enjoyment" icon next to it!

People are complex. There are things I like about you, and things that drive me batty about you. That is true for everyone else I meet, in varying degrees (including bikerscum). In fact, the things that drive me batty can be the SAME things that attract me to someone, when expressed at different times, in different ways, or to different degrees. The above example of geekiness would be one of those. I both like it and want to strangle you about it simultanously.