Brian's Etiquette Guide

[jay]

Or, where worlds collide...

For the edification of readers, friends and passers-by:

I say "sir" and "ma'am" quite often in public conversation. Often to folks socially distant, like supermarket cashiers, ticket agents, or people I've just met.
I may avert my glance downward to avoid staring at something, like a revealing outfit or a strategic ketchup stain.
I often hold doors for people, especially those carrying things, and women in general.
Likewise with giving up subway seats.
I'm happy to be hospitable, because it's an icebreaker. I like to do nice things for my friends.
I bring friends drinks at parties, if I'm going by the drink table.
I don't generally make the first move toward people whom I find attractive, even crush-objects.

*None* of these behaviors means that I'm trying to sub to the recipient. For example, if I'm at a party, and I avert my glance, answer "sure, ma'am!" and I later bring you a drink, all it means is that I've just met you and your bra strap is showing... those people that pay attention to such things, be forewarned. Low-key and polite doesn't mean I don't prefer to be in charge of other things, in other contexts... and scarcely anyone will see that other side of me.

Comments

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

Sounds like you have manners, the form of manners I keep trying to teach my own son.

If you go and read most manner books everything you listed use to be taught to young men, and not to long ago. Also Opening and closing car doors, offering your hand to help a lady!

I actually expect my daughters to learn some of the above also.

It always amazes me when my son gets growled at for being polite, or when an older person comments that it is nice to see a boy learning the lost arts! Manners shouldn't be lost!

It also surprizes me how many people will walk through a door being held open, and never say thank you, or take it so the person holding it can rejoin there party.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Offering hands only to women? There are some bits of old-fashioned manners that belong in the past.

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

Ok, I agree that it's old-fashioned and I would hope that my children will learn by following there fathers example on helping both genders.

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Kudos to their fathers for being good models, and I hope they're also seeing their mother helping people regardless of gender, too, so that they don't see only males as being able to offer help.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

I'd imagine that they are. And they have an advantage, having TWO moms to observe daily. :^)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

If I see a guy that needs a hand with something, I'm happy to pitch in... holding a door open for a guy carrying boxes, for instance.

[elorie.livejournal.com]

**blink**

**blink**

There is another way to interpret your behavior? Other than just being polite?

Um. Perhaps I don't want it explained....

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Maybe it's just a California-culture-clash issue ;-).

[lizw.livejournal.com]

I think all of those are lovely customs, except not making the first move, which I think is a personal preference (with obvious problems when common to two mutually-attracted people) ;-)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks :-).
My default assumption, based on my own experiences, is to not expect mutual attraction to exist. Then unless there's clear interest or an overt invitation, my making a first move is likely to distract or annoy the other person... if mutual attraction can be established, then I'd be much more likely to flirt.

[archway.livejournal.com]

~purrrrsssss~ Those behaviors/characteristics probably had a hand in keeping you well and happily married for twenty years. Those habits show you are a "keeper" in most people's minds. Congratulations. Throw in a great...er....bedside manner and you are a dream dude!~W~

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Awwww.... (blush). I'm pretty good, but a niche flavor of "dream", methinks. At least around here ;-).

Brian's Etiquette Guide

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

I appreciate your Etiquette Guide. Generally speaking when I am with you I feel respected and appreciated. And when you open the door I get to pass close by you. Giggle. Hugs t

Re: Brian's Etiquette Guide

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

I feel respected and appreciated.

Good! That's my goal, so I'm glad to hear it.

[who-is-she.livejournal.com]

I know whatcha mean Brian. When I am at the dojo kicking some poor yellow belt in the groin and stomach repeatedly, it doesn't mean I'm dominating them either. In fact, the guys laugh at me.. becuase every time a punch or kick actually HITS, I cringe and say "Sorry!".
We all explore a variety of social behaviors, that gives us range, but does not define us.

"Low-key and polite doesn't mean I don't prefer to be in charge of other things, in other contexts... and scarcely anyone will see that other side of me."

They are the lucky few! The rest of us have to miss out!

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(grin) I understand, likewise. Surface impressions, particularly those based on one aspect of our lives, are IMO often completely wrong. Even anti-predictive...

Besides, you could always argue that when you're kicking them senseless, you're simply doing what they asked you to do... (grin).

The rest of us have to miss out

At work, and in certain private settings, I'm much more dominant than in my social life... Lots of people see me in my work persona, but few would have any reason to see me in, um, more-intimate settings ;-).