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Sep. 4th, 2003 01:31 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jayBorrowed from a friend...
"If I believe that I am unworthy of being loved, then I can prevent my feelings of total devastation when I am rejected."
Yes, that's it exactly. Rules to live by. But I think if one lets go of those defenses, every oncoming rejection would be like being the proverbial deer in the headlights.
I needed to prove myself to the world in order to have value, in order to be worthy of love.
Check. Over-achievement at work, external praise, competency outside. Then see if it wins anyone's favor. Another fundamental SOP. Doesn't work in the personal realm because there's no way to prove myself worthy, no awards or merit badges. (ref: my Jekyll/Hyde thread 2 weeks ago)
Thanks tocircusscreamer for the quotes (and stimulus of these insights)...
"If I believe that I am unworthy of being loved, then I can prevent my feelings of total devastation when I am rejected."
Yes, that's it exactly. Rules to live by. But I think if one lets go of those defenses, every oncoming rejection would be like being the proverbial deer in the headlights.
I needed to prove myself to the world in order to have value, in order to be worthy of love.
Check. Over-achievement at work, external praise, competency outside. Then see if it wins anyone's favor. Another fundamental SOP. Doesn't work in the personal realm because there's no way to prove myself worthy, no awards or merit badges. (ref: my Jekyll/Hyde thread 2 weeks ago)
Thanks to
circusscreamer for the quotes (and stimulus of these insights)...
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Date: 2003-09-14 12:07 pm (UTC)If one is not sure that it's a broken paradigm, but fears that it might be broken, what does one do in the meanwhile?
In the NASA analogy, there are old-guard engineers or managers who realize that their time is past, that they're technically obsolete or incapable of untwisting the convoluted political strands... after a screwup, they retire, opening up leadership positions for new people with more energy and newer ideas and fresher backgrounds. In a personal sense, if one has screwed up one's life, there's no way to retire from life, save suicide. So hunkering-down and continuing becomes preferable...
Why do good things, be a productive person, in search of some sort of external validation rather than the satisfaction it brings yourself?
Because I don't value or trust my own emotional responses very much... external validation is far more important to me.