(no subject)

[jay]

Borrowed from a friend...


"If I believe that I am unworthy of being loved, then I can prevent my feelings of total devastation when I am rejected."

Yes, that's it exactly. Rules to live by. But I think if one lets go of those defenses, every oncoming rejection would be like being the proverbial deer in the headlights.

I needed to prove myself to the world in order to have value, in order to be worthy of love.

Check. Over-achievement at work, external praise, competency outside. Then see if it wins anyone's favor. Another fundamental SOP. Doesn't work in the personal realm because there's no way to prove myself worthy, no awards or merit badges. (ref: my Jekyll/Hyde thread 2 weeks ago)

Thanks to circusscreamer for the quotes (and stimulus of these insights)...

Comments

[trinker.livejournal.com]

As to the former...rejected implies "judged and found wanting". I see it as actually more of a "mismatch of needs/wants". It's more like not bracing for the awful impact of the needle when going for an injection. Flowing with the moment is easier and less stressful.

[sinboy.livejournal.com]

"If I believe that I am unworthy of being loved, then I can prevent my feelings of total devastation when I am rejected."

Is it possible that your fear of rejection is stronger than the actual pain that rejection would take? Or that there might be some more effective way of dealing with the pain of rejection?

[princeofwands.livejournal.com]

It sounds like you've taken these two points from circusscreamer as affirmation. Referring to them as "Rules to live by" and "another fundamental SOP." But at the core of her revelation was that these beliefs were damaging to her.

So - following circusscreamer's inspiration re:
"If I believe that I am unworthy of being loved, then I can prevent my feelings of total devastation when I am rejected."

And her breakthrough in setting that belief down and stepping away from it, putting her in a position where she "suddenly accepted her own worth"...

What lesson will you chose from putting a name to this burden? How will you choose to grow?