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Struggling a bit
Thanks for your collective support yesterday :-). I went home and crashed after dinner, sleeping 10 hours. Leaving the dishes undone, sigh. Two of three relationships have felt shaky over the past week, and I've been struggling to not obsess or lose focus altogether.
It doesn't help that I'm also dealing with weight issues -- over the past three trips, I've gained 11 lbs. Lack of exercise and too much travel have been prime culprits. But (body image) just looking at myself is depressing... my clothes are tight, and I'm now 23 lbs over my actuarial ideal weight. And (health) my blood pressure, which closely tracks my weight, is up to its highest level ever -- 140/95. I have a lot of work to do.
This morning... 7:30am and I've already had my first call from JL, and I'm busy working from home.
It doesn't help that I'm also dealing with weight issues -- over the past three trips, I've gained 11 lbs. Lack of exercise and too much travel have been prime culprits. But (body image) just looking at myself is depressing... my clothes are tight, and I'm now 23 lbs over my actuarial ideal weight. And (health) my blood pressure, which closely tracks my weight, is up to its highest level ever -- 140/95. I have a lot of work to do.
This morning... 7:30am and I've already had my first call from JL, and I'm busy working from home.
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leaving exercise to the non-existant manyana
This has been critical. For over a decade, I've routinely gone by the NASA gym after work, around 6-6:30pm to exercise before going home. It was part of a routine... which is broken when I travel. Especially overseas, since non-US and smaller hotels rarely have their own gyms (and I eat more high-calorie stuff when I'm travelling... hard to avoid the paella or tempura or croissants).
Over the past year, I've been under increased work pressure, and have often been unable to finish work before 7-8pm in the evenings. The NASA gym closes by 7:15. So I need to find a solution... go to the gym and then return to the office afterward, perhaps.
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Good! If you absolutely can't get the job done by averaging 8 hours per day, 5 days per week, then the job needs re-structuring until you can. Nothing wrong with the odd 10 hour day, or even, the odd all-nighter, but you can kill yourself trying to do that all the time.
So I need to find a solution... go to the gym and then return to the office afterward, perhaps.
Go to the gym and then go home? Relationship problems are another very useful sign and symptom that you're letting work swamp other more vital aspects of your life: your health and your loved ones.
You know that I know what the business is like... And I know that the only way to survive, long term, is to protect yourself!
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I'm overcommitted at work...
I'm glad to see that in writing. You can't hide from stuff like that forever.
I can't break my promises...
It's hard. But it seems to me that, when I over-commit myself, I've already breached the trust of the people to whom I have committed. For a start, there's no way I can do my best job if everything is rushed. Then there are people to whom I've promised I will take good care of myself, and them, and I cannot do that when I'm over-committed. Anyone who cares about you, will not want to put that kind of pressure on you and your other loved ones. And you're a lot less use to your work if you're constantly working at 150+% effort and performing well below 100%.
It is not breaking promises to stand back from your life, admit that you are over-committed, and enter negotiations to re-structure your commitments until you only have 100% of your time full. Are there people in your team who could benefit from the challenge having tasks delegated to them? Are there people who are supposed to be your collaborators who are not pulling their weight, and need stretching? Are there pet projects which you need to look at with a critical eye, and down-grade in priority because they are taking resources from more important work?
Academics and researchers are the kind of people who, on their death-bed, may actually break the mould and say "I wish I had spent more time at work!!!". But you will probably acheive more in your career if you take care of yourself and your family, and are still happy, healthy and productive in your 80th year...
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Then there are people to whom I've promised I will take good care of myself
Ah... but there aren't any. I dodge those requests :-). I make work-related promises... or relationship promises... but avoid promising anything internal to just me. So I'm not violating anything by running myself down in order to meet other commitments.
enter negotiations to re-structure your commitments until you only have 100% of your time full
You're right. I need to negotiate, to delegate, to lower my workload. Maybe not all the way down to 100% (then I'd have periods at 70-80%) but to not much over nominal full-time.
Unfortunately, the two projects which have the least support are also the most fun...
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Good idea. You'll probably work more efficiently afterwards, too. Take a break during lunch, or afternoon, or even "dinner"?
Although cycling means I can't work more than 10 hours or so in a given day.
As someone else said: GOOD! There are reliable studies out there that show that working long hours does not result in more work accomplished; just tireder employees. Something's got to give, Brian, and it shouldn't be your sanity.
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Nor your relationships.
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pointed question
What do you regret not doing? What do you wish you'd done more of?
Seriously, Brian, work will still be there. Don't begrudge time with your kids--they won't be kids long.
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Yes, work is important. Yes, you get good strokes there, and in general, it's more comprehensible to you than home life. However, you are already working enough. Last year you used to work less. So why feel guilty about working the same amount that you worked last year? I am not advocating you give up the job, stop going overseas, or even work 9-5. I am advocating that you come home earlier, interact with Pat and the kids from, say 7 to 9, and do the rest of your work when they're asleep, for instance--when you yourself have said you have nothing to do. Or find a 24 hour gym and go there late (that's what Gary always did when he was training for the Fire Dept--he worked out after his work was done, which meant 11pm). Yeah, you can't use the "free" one at work that way--but I suspect that Pat would feel better about spending some money on having you work out late if she got to see more of you in the early evening.
While I appreciate that you are willing to prioritize lunch with me (and others) over work sometimes, to give yourself a break (and after all, you DO deserve a break today! ;^), you ALSO need to be prioritizing Pat and the kids that way. For instance (and this is only an example), if lunch with me means you sacrifice time with Pat and the kids, that's probably not the best use of your time all the time. Occasionally, sure. Not every week.
Believe me, Brian, I DO understand how difficult it can be to give them more time. It's exhausting. I'm currently struggling HARD with Allegra, and the only solution I see right now is to spend more time with her, despite the fact that it will be a TRIAL for me. We have to quit her afternoon care, for instance (for one thing, she's been suspended from it for today--*sigh*), and part of the reason is that she's not getting enough time from me, and therefore she's acting out. I'm also sure there are OTHER things going on, but I suspect I'm right on this one for her.\
OK, speaking of AKD--gotta take her to school.
Re: pointed question
This week I exercised 4/5 days, came home at reasonable hours, lost 3 lbs and tried to work after-hours. Okay, except that thanks to jetlag, I kept dozing-off... I've gotten more sleep this past week than in any other at home in months.
Lunches... don't cut into time with Pat and the boys. They may cut into work-time, but I generally make it up otherwise. I would rather work between midnight and 2am than not have lunch with you :-).
I don't envy your issues with Allegra, though... there are the time issues, sure, but then the behavioral ones. Which will probably require some form of professional help, and hence more paperwork, appointments, home exercises... sigh. (hugs)
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And that's a bad thing exactly how?
*hug* Sorry you're feeling down. I can relate. =/
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*hug* much appreciated. And thanks.
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Okay, but if in the process of "producing results" you're finding that there's very little time left in your life for anything else, like exercise or spending anything approaching quality time with your family, then IMO something needs to be rearranged. Perhaps you need to farm out some of the tasks on your plate or to hire more staff to give yourself some time to do other things as well?
after housework and bills are done, and the kids are to bed, there's nothing much to do at home.
You could read a book, take up a hobby, do some of the exercise you say you're missing, spend time talking with
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I've stopped pleasure reading, over the past year. Nothing appeals to me anymore... my favorite authors from the 80s and 90s have gone into semi-retirement, and few new authors seem worthwhile.
I used to fly airplanes (expensive), homebrew (couldn't get rid of it quickly enough), and garden (doesn't work at night)... all dropped over the past few years. I may take up dancing again, because it covers the "exercise" and "social" needs at the same time.