Ramblings of an itinerant rocket scientist...

Oy. I can see why you're feeling down.

*hugs*

Hmmm. Perhaps we should choose the Fresh Choice for lunch today? Good for both of us. :^D Though I draw the line at walking there (that's too far to fit into the time we probably have).

See you soon.

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Sounds good. How far is the walk, BTW?

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Hmmm. Not sure exactly. I know it's about 2 miles to the BART station. Maybe three or 4 to the Mall (where Fresh Choice is)? Let me Mapquest this...

*goes away for awhile*

Wow. That was much harder than it should have been (Mapquest couldn't deal with the intersection, or the Mall address; had to find an address for a nearby restaurant). And I was right, it's about 3 1/2 miles to the Fresh Choice from my house. Not an impossible walk, by any means, but a bit far for lunchtime on a weekday.

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(wry smile) maybe Fresh Choice, or nibble at bits of sushi? I'd rather skip large chunks of red meat or volumes of pasta, for now... thanks for understanding. I'll probably be free at work around 11:30... looking forward to it, albeit a bit nervously.

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I'd rather skip large chunks of red meat or volumes of pasta, for now

Yep. I never eat the pasta (or the bread, or the potatoes) at the Fresh Choice--usually just the salad. And I hate all their salad dressings, so it's usually "dry," too (which is why I usually permit myself a small dessert item).

But we could walk to the sushi place, if you'd rather. :^D That's only about a mile or a little more.

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Yeah, four miles is a bit far to walk for lunch - but a brisk 2 mile round trip with sushi in the middle sounds good :-)

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That was what we decided... but I was help up in traffic behind four different freeway accidents, and while I was taking over an hour to drive the 38 miles to San Leandro,

dawnd had other problems arise... I was late and we were both stressed-out. Pressed for time, we didn't walk to the sushi place. In some ways, it was characteristic of what's been happening to me this year... and we could have both used the exercise, given our respective stress levels. At least lunch wasn't a huge calorie hit, and it was great to see Dawn again after nearly two months.

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Oh, nuts :-(

it was characteristic of what's been happening to me this year...

Uh-huh :-(

Still, glad you got your lunch date together :-)

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Yeah, it was a bummer. 4 accidents! Plus, in the hour and a half before we left for lunch, I had 2 phone calls from a friend at inconvenient moments, one asking me a technical question about the mail servers that I couldn't answer, 3 from Brian about being late, and 3 from the dentist asking about our current insurance policy AND for a visit they hadn't been reimbursed on from 2002 (requiring me to look up information that was no longer at my fingertips due to having my wallet stolen in August), as well as trying to get dressed again (I HAD been thinking I'd exercise at home--hah!), pick up Allegra's room, get bed linens set out and unsuccessfully look for money to pay the maids who (theoretically) should arrive while I'm out to lunch (!) with Brian.

At least we had a nice lunch, and I got to fill Brian in on all the happenings for us in Scotland!

Hopefully next time will be better, and we'll be able to walk to sushi. *sigh*

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It was still a nice lunch, even if we were both a bit strained. And next time we'll walk. Did you find the 2002 information for the dentist?

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Yep. Metlife Primary, and Delta Dental secondary, as of that visit in 5/02.

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Sleep is good! Dishes will wait...

Speaking as someone who got up to 35+lb over ideal weight through over-work and not taking proper care of myself... you gotta devote time and energy to keeping well. If you're doing that right, your weight will take care of itself. For me, cycling for transport, serious aikido training, and learning a lot more about vegan food, seem to be working at the moment. I'm eating better, and getting enough exercise, because I'm interested in and committed to the necessary processes. Treating food as fuel and leaving exercise to the non-existant manyana, won't cut it. High blood pressure in particular is a symptom that if you don't start taking proper care of yourself soon, you may start suffering permanent consequences :-(

Take care!

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Cycling to work was good in June... but then overpass construction obliterated the bike lanes, and left the cars with just a narrow lane through concrete barriers. But they're finishing up the construction, finally. Although cycling means I can't work more than 10 hours or so in a given day.

leaving exercise to the non-existant manyana

This has been critical. For over a decade, I've routinely gone by the NASA gym after work, around 6-6:30pm to exercise before going home. It was part of a routine... which is broken when I travel. Especially overseas, since non-US and smaller hotels rarely have their own gyms (and I eat more high-calorie stuff when I'm travelling... hard to avoid the paella or tempura or croissants).

Over the past year, I've been under increased work pressure, and have often been unable to finish work before 7-8pm in the evenings. The NASA gym closes by 7:15. So I need to find a solution... go to the gym and then return to the office afterward, perhaps.

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Although cycling means I can't work more than 10 hours or so in a given day.

Good! If you absolutely can't get the job done by averaging 8 hours per day, 5 days per week, then the job needs re-structuring until you can. Nothing wrong with the odd 10 hour day, or even, the odd all-nighter, but you can kill yourself trying to do that all the time.

So I need to find a solution... go to the gym and then return to the office afterward, perhaps.

Go to the gym and then go home? Relationship problems are another very useful sign and symptom that you're letting work swamp other more vital aspects of your life: your health and your loved ones.

You know that I know what the business is like... And I know that the only way to survive, long term, is to protect yourself!

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I'm overcommitted at work... and I'm the responsible party, running several projects. I need backup, but lack budget to hire anyone. It's a difficult situation. I can't break my promises... balanced against not breaking other commitments, at home and elsewhere.

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You know I'm not pulling my punches, here ... and you know it's because I know what you're going through, and I care about you, right?

I'm overcommitted at work...

I'm glad to see that in writing. You can't hide from stuff like that forever.

I can't break my promises...

It's hard. But it seems to me that, when I over-commit myself, I've already breached the trust of the people to whom I have committed. For a start, there's no way I can do my best job if everything is rushed. Then there are people to whom I've promised I will take good care of myself, and them, and I cannot do that when I'm over-committed. Anyone who cares about you, will not want to put that kind of pressure on you and your other loved ones. And you're a lot less use to your work if you're constantly working at 150+% effort and performing well below 100%.

It is not breaking promises to stand back from your life, admit that you are over-committed, and enter negotiations to re-structure your commitments until you only have 100% of your time full. Are there people in your team who could benefit from the challenge having tasks delegated to them? Are there people who are supposed to be your collaborators who are not pulling their weight, and need stretching? Are there pet projects which you need to look at with a critical eye, and down-grade in priority because they are taking resources from more important work?

Academics and researchers are the kind of people who, on their death-bed, may actually break the mould and say "I wish I had spent more time at work!!!". But you will probably acheive more in your career if you take care of yourself and your family, and are still happy, healthy and productive in your 80th year...

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You know first-hand... and thanks.

Then there are people to whom I've promised I will take good care of myself

Ah... but there aren't any. I dodge those requests :-). I make work-related promises... or relationship promises... but avoid promising anything internal to just me. So I'm not violating anything by running myself down in order to meet other commitments.

enter negotiations to re-structure your commitments until you only have 100% of your time full

You're right. I need to negotiate, to delegate, to lower my workload. Maybe not all the way down to 100% (then I'd have periods at 70-80%) but to not much over nominal full-time.

Unfortunately, the two projects which have the least support are also the most fun...

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go to the gym and then return to the office afterward, perhaps

Good idea. You'll probably work more efficiently afterwards, too. Take a break during lunch, or afternoon, or even "dinner"?

Although cycling means I can't work more than 10 hours or so in a given day.

As someone else said: GOOD! There are reliable studies out there that show that working long hours does not result in more work accomplished; just tireder employees. Something's got to give, Brian, and it shouldn't be your sanity.

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patgreene.livejournal.com

Something's got to give, Brian, and it shouldn't be your sanity

Nor your relationships.

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What she said.

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(nods) although I'm willing to push work aside sometimes -- lunch yesterday, for example ;-).

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Before I had kids, I used to work much harder... started at 8-8:30, home at 9-10pm daily... coming in on weekends, too. And sometimes spending months alternating travel to Houston (week there, week here, etc.) I made projects succeed. Nowadays, I still feel like I'm slacking...

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Imagine yourself 20 years from now. The kids are grown, and you're still a researcher. Look back at now, from that vantage point.

What do you regret not doing? What do you wish you'd done more of?

Seriously, Brian, work will still be there. Don't begrudge time with your kids--they won't be kids long.

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I don't begrudge them... I just feel guilty for taking so much time off.

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Hmm. I'm not sure in this context I'd make a distinction between "begrudge" and "feel guilty about." Either way, you're prioritizing work over kids in your own head. Work "counts" more than your kids, or you'd be feeling guilty about not spending more time with THEM.

Yes, work is important. Yes, you get good strokes there, and in general, it's more comprehensible to you than home life. However, you are already working enough. Last year you used to work less. So why feel guilty about working the same amount that you worked last year? I am not advocating you give up the job, stop going overseas, or even work 9-5. I am advocating that you come home earlier, interact with Pat and the kids from, say 7 to 9, and do the rest of your work when they're asleep, for instance--when you yourself have said you have nothing to do. Or find a 24 hour gym and go there late (that's what Gary always did when he was training for the Fire Dept--he worked out after his work was done, which meant 11pm). Yeah, you can't use the "free" one at work that way--but I suspect that Pat would feel better about spending some money on having you work out late if she got to see more of you in the early evening.

While I appreciate that you are willing to prioritize lunch with me (and others) over work sometimes, to give yourself a break (and after all, you DO deserve a break today! ;^), you ALSO need to be prioritizing Pat and the kids that way. For instance (and this is only an example), if lunch with me means you sacrifice time with Pat and the kids, that's probably not the best use of your time all the time. Occasionally, sure. Not every week.

Believe me, Brian, I DO understand how difficult it can be to give them more time. It's exhausting. I'm currently struggling HARD with Allegra, and the only solution I see right now is to spend more time with her, despite the fact that it will be a TRIAL for me. We have to quit her afternoon care, for instance (for one thing, she's been suspended from it for today--*sigh*), and part of the reason is that she's not getting enough time from me, and therefore she's acting out. I'm also sure there are OTHER things going on, but I suspect I'm right on this one for her.\

OK, speaking of AKD--gotta take her to school.

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This discussion seeded thoughts that eventually wound up in several insights in yesterday's entry. You know, I really ought to be paying you for coaching! Or giving you some reward ;^).

This week I exercised 4/5 days, came home at reasonable hours, lost 3 lbs and tried to work after-hours. Okay, except that thanks to jetlag, I kept dozing-off... I've gotten more sleep this past week than in any other at home in months.

Lunches... don't cut into time with Pat and the boys. They may cut into work-time, but I generally make it up otherwise. I would rather work between midnight and 2am than not have lunch with you :-).

I don't envy your issues with Allegra, though... there are the time issues, sure, but then the behavioral ones. Which will probably require some form of professional help, and hence more paperwork, appointments, home exercises... sigh. (hugs)

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geekchick

Although cycling means I can't work more than 10 hours or so in a given day.

And that's a bad thing exactly how?

*hug* Sorry you're feeling down. I can relate. =/

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Means that if I can't get it done at work, I have to bring it home (like last night). Or over weekends... no one tells me to do these things, I'm effectively my own boss.

*hug* much appreciated. And thanks.

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geekchick

If you routinely have to put in 10 hour days, then something is seriously wrong. I see that you've admitted to being overcommitted at work, which I'd have guessed even without your confirmation. *points* What

purpletigron said.

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It's also that I like my work... and I'm responsible for things. No one is telling me to work X hours, only to produce results. Thanks for the feedback... another issue is that after housework and bills are done, and the kids are to bed, there's nothing much to do at home. Taking on another space project seems preferable...

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geekchick

No one is telling me to work X hours, only to produce results.

Okay, but if in the process of "producing results" you're finding that there's very little time left in your life for anything else, like exercise or spending anything approaching quality time with your family, then IMO something needs to be rearranged. Perhaps you need to farm out some of the tasks on your plate or to hire more staff to give yourself some time to do other things as well?

after housework and bills are done, and the kids are to bed, there's nothing much to do at home.

You could read a book, take up a hobby, do some of the exercise you say you're missing, spend time talking with

patgreene...I won't suggest watching movies since I already know how you feel about that one. ;)

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