From my organizer page...

[jay]

"A first failure may prepare the way for future success." --Arnold Lobel

I know this to be true in science, and to some extent in engineering and business. I wonder how applicable it is in relationships, though... I've read some accounts that if one isn't successful in making a connection (of whatever sort) initially, the likelihood of future success falls off dramatically. Or does it?

Comments

[serenejournal.livejournal.com]

Do you mean with the same person, or with subsequent attempts with other people? Either way, I have no idea, but now I wonder, and I'll be interested to see others' comments.

[curiousangel.livejournal.com]

I think it depends on what context you're viewing the connection. Does it lead to a higher probability of eventually connecting with that person? I don't know, but I'd say probably not. If you look back on the experience and draw the correct lessons from it, though, then you might be more successful in later attempts to connect with others.

Drawing the "correct lesson" is fraught with difficulty, and it's hard to get accurate feedback about exactly what went wrong sometimes. It's also tough to set up comparable (and reproducible) conditions, so you may have to settle for some rough generalizations, and just wing it in the future.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

Oh, I don't know. When I first met you at R's party, I thought you were a pale, skinny nerd. That worked out didn't it? :D

Just took me a little while not to be so damn superficial and recognize your many wonderful qualities. I'm glad that Y kept telling me what a neat person you were.

[And if you turn this into "Oh, you were right the first time, you shouldn't have married me", I will be extremely annoyed with you. So just don't. : D ]

[trinker.livejournal.com]

I remember the first meeting with someone I'm madly in love with as "eh, yeah", and a pleasant conversation, but no thought to doing anything else. And apparently it was mutual.

Second meeting, years later, was much, much different.

[who-is-she.livejournal.com]

from my personal expereince:

1) a person can be filed for YEARS as "friend only" and can later become a love and a spouse
2) one can have horrendously unsuccessful relationships when they're younger, and really learn and grow from that, and make much better choices in the future. (one can also NOT grow, and make the same mistakes over and over...)
3) for me, first connections are rarely the deciding factor. THere is so much more of depth to learn about someone.. if you are actually going to try to relate to them deeply.
4) awkwardness in the initial stages of a relationsihp does not have to doom the union. What matters is how both parties react to the awkwardness. Withdrawal? Snide comments? Laughter? Giggling? Tears? Request for a "Do-over"? how we deal with our apparent failures does count.
5) I've learned tons from my mistakes. While they hurt like hell at the time, they also primed me to make better choices.