heads-up

[jay]

I am not in a very good state emotionally, due to a variety of reasons... things falling apart here at home, my father's ongoing illness, only one of nine proposals selected at work, social failures and the shaky status of most of my relationships. It is hard to see anything positive looming. This is a heads-up and advance apology if I'm overly whiny, depressed, self-pitying, envious of socially-favored friends, tense with suppressed/controlled emotion, or reverting to bad old self-deprecation. Don't pay attention to it, I'm just not well. And I may not ask very well, for awhile... when feeling worthless it is hard to justify bothering someone else.

Comments

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

Understood, and thanks for the reminder. You might want to keep in mind, though, that if what you're wanting to achieve is your friends paying attention to you while you're going through this rough time, you might actually achieve what you want more easily by applying some of the new techniques you've learned and asking for things outright. (For some of us, it's not that we don't love you, it's that we don't respond well to passive aggression/manipulation/guilt trips.)

-J

[therealjae.livejournal.com]

P.S. We do love you, though. :-)

-J

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(blush)

It's not something for which I can thank you-all, but I'll try to carry it forward.

(blush)

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

What J said!!!

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Both of them? (grin)

In any case, I think that I've thus far kept from crashing as deeply or as long by that application... and thanks. :)

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Yes. And you know it. :^P

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I agree.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

:-D

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

You're right. And it has helped, thanks. I've slipped up a few times, but not nearly as badly or as much as I used to do.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Particularly sorry to hear about the one of nice at work. *sigh* Just salt in the wound with so much else going on.

Whether or not you feel like it, you're still worthwhile.

(hugs)

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reassurance. (smile) I'm better this week, I think. And I'm happy with myself to the extent that I recognize that those feelings don't equal reality, and can warn others accordingly.

Work-wise... there were 1300 brief proposals submitted, but only 135 chosen for full development... so 1/9 is still around average for the call. Not bad, but I'd vainly hoped for getting one of the ones picked with *my* name on it as the PI. (rueful chuckle)

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

I'd vainly hoped for getting one of the ones picked with *my* name on it as the PI. (rueful chuckle)

umm. Yeah. *wry smile*

[gloriajn.livejournal.com]

Brian, this is definitely an opportunity for me to learn to get outside myself and give when I don't feel I can. But I'm going to make the effort to provide support anyway since you're definitely worth it. Besides, I think it will help both of us.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Both of us have been having a difficult time over the past two weeks... sigh. (hugs)

[kokoro43.livejournal.com]

Brian,

Although this is one of the hardest times to do so, it is also one of the most important times to ask your friends for what you need. It may sound like a trite quote, but "that's what friends are for" is truer than you probably think. I think you may be surprised at the results when you aks for what you need...

[kokoro43.livejournal.com]

I just really feel sorry for you right now. You're such a great guy with a lot to give, and you are so constrained right now.

I really want to help any way that I can

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the reassurance, and for your hospitality on Monday. :)

Knowing we are worth while.

[p3aches.livejournal.com]

Brian, some times the knowing we are worthwhile comes from the asking for what we want or feel we need. Some of what you have written in your recent Lj posts suggests to me that you want and need your friends to reach out. Hence last night.

Additionally you asked me for what you needed when I saw you on Thurs. I see this asking for what you needed as growth and progress even while in pain. Last night you asked for what needed again and it was very easy for me to know how to give it to you because you asked for it in a very clear way. I didn’t have to guess what you needed or wanted. Many hugs T

Re: Knowing we are worth while.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Reaching out Sunday night was helpful -- it helped me jumpstart myself, emotionally. Thanks for listening to me rant on... (hug)

[who-is-she.livejournal.com]

Brian, I consider you very worthwhile.
I am proud of the goodstuff you've been learning with regard to communication, and I'm glad you're continuing to talk, doing the best you can at each moment.
You are a totally, completely fine person.
I would like to hear from you and know what's happpening for you, if you want to call me.
I'm listening......

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks, dear. Apart from a few small slip-ups last weekend, I've been able to retain most of my new communication skills... I've even asked a few people for things. ;-)

Telephones... not my preferred communications mode. Unless a crisis erupts...

[weirdodragoncat.livejournal.com]

I don't know you very well yet but I enjoyed talking to you at Rowan's party today. I'm sorry you're having a hard time right now. Hopefully, things will get better for you. I look forward to talking with you again soon.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the support! And I look forward to talking again with you... the party was fun.