Notches vs. casual partners

[jay]

In earlier journal discussions, some argument has occurred around the use of the term "notch" as denoting a lack of significance as a partner. To me, "notch" equals someone pursued solely based on desire, with no intention of further contact or a relationship afterward. With slightly-predatory overtones... leaving afterward with only a fond memory (hopefully) to take forward into the future.

But, again, having never done anything like that myself, one can probably safely ignore my opinions as uninformed ;-). So here's a poll to see how other folks define the term:

[Poll #55900]

I don't intend to get on a high-horse here, I'm not criticizing those who have casual sex or notches or whatever in their own past. I claim no virtue... no one has ever made that kind of advance towards me, and no one was interested in that way early on in my 20s when I was young and attractive. Were circumstances different.... who knows what I would have done. So no judgments, either way, I want to know what you really think...

Comments

Notches

[hopeforyou.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure I can answer the poll as written, mostly because I myself am not sure of the definition of "notch" or even whether or not it differs from casual sex. What exactly is "casual sex" anyway? I've come to wonder after a while, especially when mikz has mentioned that long-term casual relatioships can and do exist.

If the concept of "notch" is the equivalent of "putting a notch in one's belt" or "sport fucking", then I'd have to say the main objective is to cross someone off one's list of "people to do" for a variety of reasons.

One reason may be having sex with someone because they are popular or rare, and esteemed or seen to have some special value just as those rare cards in a "Magick: The Gathering" deck. Another reason may be for the person putting in another notch to feel better about themself and feed their ego -- perhaps the fact that someone had sex with them or more people had sex with them makes them feel more valuable somehow.

No judgment there, just observation that the reason may be external validation and not out of lack of care for the other person as has been implied in objectification and predation -- that may or may not be present. Maybe even both partners are engaged in putting a notch in their own individual belts for similar reasons, which may include validation of worth, loneliness, friendship, recreation, lust, substance use/lowering of inhibitions, and beliefs.

But those are only some reasons...I do not think they are all, and "other" may very often apply along with those you list. I occasionally go to play parties, for example, because I am looking to learn some new technique. I'm a sex geek, and I observe such things for my education. That would fall under "other". I also go for social purposes, because other friends go to such parties and I meet them there. That would fall under friendship and recreation combined.

Re: Notches

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Hm.... I tend to think of casual sex as being sex between strangers, with no a priori intention of becoming otherwise. The sort of thing that might happen with a businessperson picked up in a bar for one night, in a swing club or dungeon, or at the larger sort of "those kinds of parties"...

If my casual sex definition is close to others' "anonymous sex", then my "notch" is closer to "collect the desirable stranger/acquaintance"...

And ego issues cover a broader swathe... shucks, I don't pursue that kind of sport, so to speak, but I still feel more valuable (and amazed ;-) when someone wants to be sexual with me.

And data gathering and new techniques are useful and worthwhile, granted...