Not into body modifications...

[jay]

A comment on mactavish's LJ jogged a discussion I recently had with geekchick about body modifications, such as piercings, scarification and tattoos. Generally, I find them to be turn-offs... I have damage-assessment-filters that tend to react to the presence of these in another person as impairments, not assertions of indivduality, symbolism or artwork. For example, my subconscious interprets piercings as "impaled splinter , thorn or twig" (like someone that fell into a hedge, say) and hence body damage in the person sporting them.

Just as it interprets tattoos as "large mole or skin disease", from a distance... once I get close enough to someone to see design details, conscious thought takes over and I may admire a pretty design, symbolism or novel placement. But even then, I often find myself averting my gaze from the tattoo in subsequent interactions with that person... rather like trying to not stare at a Gorbachevian forehead splotch.

Comments

[technomom]

I'm afraid I'm with you. I find piercings anywhere beyond the ears (and limited numbers of those!) to be distracting and a little disturbing. I don't think less of anyone for having them - they just always put me off balance a bit.

I've seen some lovely tattoos. I cannot imagine getting one.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Exactly. Word for word...

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

A lover of mine, a few years ago, had a clit-hood piercing and I was constantly worried about getting it caught somewhere and hurting her.

Facial piercings aside from ears or side-of-nose often distract me from the person I'm talking to, and oral piercings just make me want not to kiss someone. I don't like metal on lips I'm mashing with.

Tattoos usually don't bother me.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

The possibility of injuring someone via their piercings leads me to avoid touching those places... not just oral, but other areas. For example, I try to avoid much touch of earlobes when rings or studs are inserted...

[geekchick]

My nose ring must drive you absolutely batty, eh? ;) And you haven't even seen it with an actual ring rather than the small stud yet. I suppose the tattoo isn't as much of an issue as it's hidden either by my hair or my shirt.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

In person, if I don't look directly at your nose piercing, I react to it as if it were a blackhead or blister there... a slight distraction, but not terribly off-putting :-).

[geekchick]

Well, I don't remember if I've even had the jewelry in any time I've seen you other than the last visit. You seem to have successfully managed to avoid being fixated on my nose (I've gone to meetings with people who couldn't look me in the eye), so I assume it doesn't bother you overly much.

[daltong.livejournal.com]

Wow. This leads me to ask:

A lot of us have body damage and don't have tattoos or body piercings. Are you saying that body damage of any sort is a turn-off? Big moles? Bitten nails? Stretch marks? Scars? What about disabled folk?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Would it be visible if I were sitting across a table, chatting with that person? If it is hidden damage, I don't react to it. Bitten nails I don't notice at all... large visible moles would be a distraction, as would large scars or tics. That doesn't mean I wouldn't be friends with or enjoy the company of that person, only that I'm less likely to have an initial physical attraction to them. Over time, I tend to get used to those things and ignore them, if the connection with the underlying person is strong and frequent.

Disablements haven't been an issue, per se, although I'm more likely to view that person initially as a potential friend-in-need rather than a possible playmate. If I met an attractive person confined to a wheelchair, say, I'd need to get to know them better and then figure out ways to work with the disability, before I could get through my own internal blocks and filters and be open to being more than just-friends...

[firecat]

Would it be visible if I were sitting across a table, chatting with that person? If it is hidden damage, I don't react to it.

What happens when you get into bed with someone who has, say, stretch marks that aren't visible when they're clothed? Is that a turn off? Or do you not care by that point?

Disablements haven't been an issue, per se, although I'm more likely to view that person initially as a potential friend-in-need rather than a possible playmate.

Does this also apply to visually obvious disabilities only (such as being in a wheelchair) or also to invisible disabilities (e.g., heart condition)?

I like tattoos, and I like the way piercings look, but I don't like playing with them.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

What happens when you get into bed with someone who has, say, stretch marks that aren't visible when they're clothed? Is that a turn off? Or do you not care by that point?

The latter... by the time I'm getting into bed with someone, I know them, and are presumably attracted by their personal qualities... initial view-at-a-distance filters are secondary effects by then.

Besides, I've never been to bed with anyone that *didn't* have hidden stretch marks! I expect them... I have yet to date anyone smaller than a size 18... not because of a BBW preference, it has just happened that way.

[patgreene.livejournal.com]

So, I guess that tattoo I was thinking of getting might not be such a great idea, relationship-wise : >

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Heh. It's your body... I don't have to look at that part of you if it bothers me, wherever that is...