Baker House redux
Apr. 12th, 2003 02:56 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
jay| I scored 65 ¾% on the classic 400 Point Purity Test! |
| Take the test here! |
Given that most of my friends are in the 30s-50s, I suppose that this is yet another measure of how I'm unsuited for their company, out of their collective league, &c...
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unrequested advice
Date: 2003-04-12 03:02 pm (UTC)First: The purity test really isn't valid.
Second: Of my friends who've taken tests, the scores range from in the 30s to in the 70s. The results mean nothing in terms of who's in who's league. They're just for fun. It's like me saying, "Wow,
Third: Affirmations can be negative, too. If you're affirming that you're socially unacceptable, it will continue to sink into your gut even deeper, and social situations just might become more awkward for you. It might be time to get back to your Lenten practice. Try to find good things in situations (you *were* social last night! quietly so, but you were) and write about them, too. Give them the weight they deserve!
Re: unrequested advice
Date: 2003-04-12 05:46 pm (UTC)There were positive aspects of last night -- it wasn't a disaster, just not much fun. I was glad to see you and
Social unacceptability isn't inherent for me, it may just be that I'm unacceptable in the poly community. Too geeky, too much of an ingenue, too suburban-with-kids, too inexperienced, too clueless.
And
An unrequested observation
Date: 2003-04-13 12:55 am (UTC)An observation on this, if I might:
The purity test not only reflects past life experiences...it reflects personal interest in some of the things that are asked about (specifically the substance use bits, and some of the sexual bits reflect interest as well as experience).
In many purity tests, I score abnormally high because there is a heavy weighting on some areas that I simply will always be pure in, largely because I have no interest in ever losing some of those purity points (I'm not into necrophilia, for example, and never will be).
My score on this one? 33.3%...but there's a lot less weighting on the drugs and such, and a lot more weighting on the sorts of things I did when I was a sexually-frustrated teenager.
I think a high score is not necessarily a reflection on either your past experiences or your desireability (other than to those for whom depurifying a person is an end into and of itself. ;) ).
And, above all...it's for fun, and remarkably subjective. :)
Re: An unrequested observation
Date: 2003-04-13 12:05 pm (UTC)granted... and while there are many things listed in which I have no interest (hard drugs, scat, necrophilia, etc.) there's certainly interest on my part in the sexual areas. I simply never sowed any wild oats, proverbially, either as a teenager or later... nose-to-the-grindstone, 80-hour week-after-week in grad school, being "responsible" and "mature" as a teen or 20-something.
When I was a sexually-frustrated teenager, I did my best to follow the advice I was given and deny and control those impulses, aided by being generally-unattractive and a social outcast. So I feel like an invisible wall separates me from those friends who have (or had) a wilder side. Sort of a different angle on squandering one's youth, I guess...
Re: unrequested advice
Date: 2003-04-13 08:22 am (UTC)Re: unrequested advice
Date: 2003-04-13 08:40 am (UTC)Re: unrequested advice
Date: 2003-04-13 08:44 am (UTC)Actually, Noel's got a livejournal. I just can't remember what username it's under.
Re: unrequested advice
Date: 2003-04-13 09:37 am (UTC)Re: unrequested advice
Date: 2003-04-25 10:01 am (UTC)Re: unrequested advice
Date: 2003-04-25 10:08 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-12 05:33 pm (UTC)Still going... but I'm several days behind. Yesterday and Thursday I was unable to come up with anything.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 08:21 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 08:43 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 08:49 am (UTC)And I seem to recall that you were, for a while.
The reason why I said I wished you'd mentioned it is that if you were having problems coming up with new things for the list, it was either a good indicator of your mental/emotional state, or the catalyst for your mood. And either way, it would have been nice to be able to offer some support.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 12:11 pm (UTC)it would have been nice to be able to offer some support
Sorry... it didn't occur to me that anyone would want to do so, or that I was thereby denying them that opportunity. Generally I worry more about too-much whingeing on my part in my journal ;-).
no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 01:25 pm (UTC)I strongly suspect that I'm not the only one who's responding to your posts out of a willingness to offer support and feedback. Whinging and asking for help are different, too.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-12 05:19 pm (UTC)Unsuited for my company? Not at all. Doesn't matter what your score is on any of the purity tests and other odd quizs that float around. They are for fun. I've stopped going down, If I was to loose many more points I'd be going in to things that are on my NO way list.
no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 12:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 10:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-12 08:46 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 12:15 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 12:21 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 11:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 10:43 am (UTC)I was referring to friends (mostly local), not existing sweeties! Even if your own experience with me has been necessarily limited and incomplete...
no subject
Date: 2003-04-14 10:47 am (UTC)(
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Date: 2003-04-14 10:58 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 04:51 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 11:04 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-12 09:18 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2003-04-13 01:07 am (UTC)HUH?
Date: 2003-04-13 02:57 pm (UTC)I suppose that this is yet another measure of how I'm unsuited for their company, out of their collective league, &c...
You keep saying this in your journal on the poly list... keep saying it and it will not only change this untrue fact to become FACT but also reinforce and make everyone believe you are completely unsuited to sit at the same table as them because you haven't been fucked backwards, while riding a camel down a deck of a boat blindfolded in the middle of the day! If you want to get invited to a sex party then ask the host of one to invite you. Then you can be just like everyone else. There is something to be said by being different. Seriously. If you don't want to wait for a sex party take your wife or one of your lovers the next time you are in town and go to the swingers club in San Jose and just have sex with them. That way you are at a 'sex' party yet being safe.
I don't know anymore what you are asking for when you post things like this. Do you want people to ignore you and let you vent? Do you secretly hope someone reading your journal will get a veiled hint and cuddle with you at a gathering? Are you wanting sympathy? Empathy? Or are you just that insecure that you think you are so different but you really aren't because you have a wife and several LDR's? You told me yourself you weren't into closer relationships because you don't think it would work out. I guess I am not sure how to react or act for that matter to posts with comments like this.
I don't know if it makes any sort of difference to you but I had and have found you very attractive. Mentally and sexually. I contstantly wonder where you come from in the mind set when you post things like this. Who you are measuring against if you are. Or who you want to be accepted by. I just don't understand.
Re: HUH?
Date: 2003-04-13 04:18 pm (UTC)Is that (going to sex parties) the difference? To me it seemed like a set of differences accumulated over a decade or so, not simply that I hadn't gone to, say, Black Sheets.
go to the swingers club in San Jose and just have sex with them
A certain degree of exhibitionism is fun, but none of my partners are into that (anymore...). Besides, that place closed down a couple of months ago, another friend is dating the former owner.
I don't know anymore what you are asking for when you post things like this.
Not asking for anything... making a comment on past decisions I've made, and how I'm often out-of-synch with those around me. Self-critically, I suppose, but I'm not looking for sympathy. It's the sort of thing that I'd ordinarily mutter quietly to myself, except that occasionally I write down in my journal what I'm muttering or thinking to myself.
You told me yourself you weren't into closer relationships because you don't think it would work out.
Kind of, sideways... I really don't know how to date anyone locally, my relationships have been
I had and have found you very attractive. Mentally and sexually.
(goggle) um... thanks! I'm not unused to people complimenting my mind, but someone admitting to physical attraction has almost never happened. I had no idea.
Re: HUH?
Date: 2003-04-14 03:32 am (UTC)> Not asking for anything... making a comment on past decisions I've made, and how I'm often out-of-synch with those around me. Self-critically, I suppose, but I'm not looking for sympathy.
I think she put things rather nicely. If you really want to lower your score some, tell us what parts you want to lower!
Out-of-synch? Come on! You've got to be kidding! If you're poly with kids, that sounds like a pretty responsible alternative adult life. You have more relationship experience then some of the most recent people I've dated. So you probably have some idea of how to communicate. Especially if these are LDRs and you try to stay close. Because that is /hard/. (Especially if you're the first person your partner has dated AND you live +9 time zones apart...)
Having said that, in a way LDRs are easy to keep up if they're below a certain level of Serious. Especially while poly.
FWIW, I scored 48¾ and I don't have or plan on getting the drug stuff. Still need location points... This test seemed big on animals for some reason. This test says very little about actual useful relationship experience. I don't see on there questions asking if you've ever been in an abusive relationship, or if you've been pressured into ignoring hard/soft boundaries (nonconsensual might be too strong...).
Having sex with a virgin is easy. Drawing someone shy out and getting to know them is hard.
Oh, and don't underestimate the power of geek fetish.
Re: HUH?
Date: 2003-04-14 12:12 pm (UTC)But this isn't something you have been muttering to yourself though. You have posted it to the poly list and on your journal several times. Either way I am still curious as to why you keep repeating this self depreciating language. Like I mentioned before... keep saying it and it will come true.
Being out of sync isn't the same as not being good enough to be hanging within a certain group. And apparently they don't perceive you as being that out of sync since they are still associating with you and inviting you out to places.
Anyway, just my thought on it.