(no subject)

[jay]

Borrowed from a friend...


"If I believe that I am unworthy of being loved, then I can prevent my feelings of total devastation when I am rejected."

Yes, that's it exactly. Rules to live by. But I think if one lets go of those defenses, every oncoming rejection would be like being the proverbial deer in the headlights.

I needed to prove myself to the world in order to have value, in order to be worthy of love.

Check. Over-achievement at work, external praise, competency outside. Then see if it wins anyone's favor. Another fundamental SOP. Doesn't work in the personal realm because there's no way to prove myself worthy, no awards or merit badges. (ref: my Jekyll/Hyde thread 2 weeks ago)

Thanks to circusscreamer for the quotes (and stimulus of these insights)...

Comments

[geekchick]

Thanks for unpacking that for me. Okay, I can see how that follows for you, especially with things you've said earlier about your preference for feeling like you're in control.

That, and the potential embarrassment if I've really gotten things that wrong for that many years... I might have to disappear.

This part, however, I'm not sure I follow. Why would you feel like you had to disappear?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

If I've thrown away decades -- if I thought that I was *that* much of a lifetime f&*kup -- I'd be too embarrassed to face my friends or partners in the future. And would have suddenly recognized the existence of a mammoth debt-owed to them for putting up with me previously, one that I couldn't hope to ever repay. Life would be pretty bleak, then...

[trinker.livejournal.com]

Perhaps you might find it ironic or something rather than just mean if I say that I find this logic -- I'd rather keep doing what I'm doing, even if I think it might be wrong, because at least then I can pretend it's okay -- to be a bit of...well, "NASA-thinking".

If what you're doing is broken, what good is continuing to do it rather than stopping it as soon as you realize it's a broken paradigm?

Why do good things, be a productive person, in search of some sort of external validation rather than the satisfaction it brings yourself?

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(grin) I appreciate the irony...

If one is not sure that it's a broken paradigm, but fears that it might be broken, what does one do in the meanwhile?

In the NASA analogy, there are old-guard engineers or managers who realize that their time is past, that they're technically obsolete or incapable of untwisting the convoluted political strands... after a screwup, they retire, opening up leadership positions for new people with more energy and newer ideas and fresher backgrounds. In a personal sense, if one has screwed up one's life, there's no way to retire from life, save suicide. So hunkering-down and continuing becomes preferable...

Why do good things, be a productive person, in search of some sort of external validation rather than the satisfaction it brings yourself?

Because I don't value or trust my own emotional responses very much... external validation is far more important to me.