sigh... a social trap

[jay]

I've been emotionally fragile, even occasionally prone to a few tears since last weekend... so perhaps going to a large social gathering wasn't such a good idea tonight. But James wanted to see A...

I found myself in the trap tonight whereby I feel like no one really likes me or cares that I'm there, so I'm too afraid of rejection to approach anyone, which gives others the impression that I want to be left alone when in reality I need a few hugs or a shoulder. Instead, others heed the apparent "stay-away" vibes and then I feel even more unliked and uninteresting. Rinse. lather, repeat. Sigh. These are my feelings, no one else is responsible for them, but it still makes for a difficult evening.

Comments

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

Here's a late hug.

Sometimes I wish that I had a reset button that would wipe out those feelings. Or even better, one that would replace them with, "people are hoping that you will come over and talk to them" feelings.

I was at a social event last night where I'd guess (using my secret super powers) that a large number of attendees were feeling like nobody cared if they were there. At one point, I walked over to a man who had been walking around aimlessly, and I said, "Are you looking for someone to talk to?" We started a conversation, and a woman walked over to talk to us. She had a great opening line for the man: "Are you from Washington, DC?"

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Do you have those feelings, yourself, to reset? Is the "people are hoping" feeling any more or less valid? It's not clear to me.

And what inspired you to change patterns and walk over to that guy?

[elissaann.livejournal.com]

Yes, sometimes I get those feelings. If nobody sits next to me at shul, I think it's because nobody likes me. But I could have sat next to somebody myself!

The "people are hoping" is recognition that other people might be wanting attention and not doing anything to get it.

I walked over to that guy for three reasons:
1. I had just been asked for a date, so my confidence was pretty high.
2. I'm a member, so in a way, that made me a "host", and remembering that always gives me "ownership".
3. The guy looked like he would welcome some company.

[juliansinger.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and no matter how well I do at not doing that kind of stuff at some points, the times where I revert and do it again are the times I focus on. Sigh.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Sigh. I sympathize... I experience exactly that reaction, when it happens.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

*more snuggles*

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I feel like I'm in a socializing and flirting competition with you WRT others, which I tend to lose... and unable to compete, retire into your shadow... (hug).

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

um, wow...that is a new thought. I'm so *used* to being a big ole flirt, it never occurred to me. (kiss)

[simplykimberly.livejournal.com]

well fooey - wish I had been there! I like you, and would have been glad to hang out with you, and hug you! Of course, I'd have given you the plague, so it's probably just as well, in the long run ... but ((hugs)) now, just cuz!

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

awww... my loss, as I like you and you hug *very* well.

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

Brain I enjoy seeing you even though we never seem to have anything to talk about, or spend time together.

I went to look to give you a hug not knowing you'd left.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks for the feedback... and I hadn't left, actually I was out on the patio...

[dancing-star.livejournal.com]

ahhh, sorry I missed you.

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

hmmmmm.....well, I *did* give you more than one hug. And your lap was occupied in the hot tub......I still say we need a hand signal or something when you start to feel that way so it doesn't have to be an obvious thing but you'll get more hugs from me and Les......*hugs*

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

The lap-occupation by tenacious_snail in the hot tub or later in the living room actually didn't help. She tends to draw eye contact and body language from a group towards herself, and I find myself feeling invisible or like her chair... hmm.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

and I'm feeling uber-snuggled and happy, contentedly basking in your love. Maybe we need to trade places sometime? I really had *nod* idea that what was intended as affection towards you would have the effect of deflecting what you needed from you. Sigh...and with the best of intentions, too.

[dawnd.livejournal.com]

Sorry you had a difficult evening. (hugs)


Here's a little silliness for you. Here you say:
Rinse. lather, repeat.

Maybe that's your problem. You're doing these things in the wrong order. That should be "Lather, rinse, repeat!" You might be more attractive with fewer soap suds in your hair. ;^p

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

(giggle) hey, it was 3am!

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

It'd be nice if there were even one or two people you could signal to let them know you're in that space. At least you recognize it for what it is, that's a good step.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Thanks... and a couple have (privately) volunteered, for which I'm grateful and feel loved and appreciated.

[cyan-blue.livejournal.com]

I'm always glad when we exchange a hi and a smile at these gatherings...

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Me too. :^)