easier, in some ways

[jay]

As the nominal "holiday" season moves into its more-intense mode... not just shopping and secular consumerism, but various spiritual or philosophical observances... in some ways, being on the road is easier than being at home, in that I'm not caught in-between the social and spiritual. Good friends are hosting pagan events... Yule or Solstice... today and next Tuesday. Many of my local SF-area friends are likely to be at one or both of these... if I were home they'd be unlikely to accompany me to a Christmas service, so I'd feel funny about joining their observances likewise as a non-participant guest. Even certain local parties with pagan overtones leave me feeling a bit uneasy at times, and I generally miss those that are tied to specific dates or observances. Meanwhile, even at our home church (St. Timothy's Episcopal, in Mountain View) I'm viewed there as an outsider, somewhat suspect because of my other relationships (and not allowed to serve in volunteer roles).

Last year, we stayed in CA and it felt a bit divisive or isolating around this time, for me. This year, that isn't an option... more a matter of deciding which local church to attend as visitors on Christmas. Easier, if still rather disconnected from friends and community.

Comments

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

Interesting. I'd be curious to hear more about your feelings at pagan gatherings, and how you handle those.

I'm assuming that this comes from your being a practicing monotheist, but admit that I don't know the source of the feelings for you.

I suffer from perhaps an opposite problem - for a long time, the idea of setting foot into a catholic church was something I did not want to consider, and is still a big Somewhat Scary thing for me to do. It means missing out on a lot of very meaningful music and being far away from people who do some really good ritual, but it's not my place anymore and I have feelings of pain around that. There is something very special about a place that is made and built and maintained for ritual and for community. It's powerful.

I'm not sure I qualify as a pagan per se, I tend to be a person who prefers to avoid theologies attached to my mystical practices, because I am still running very very scared from dogmatism even years after walking away from catholicism. That said, I do feel a sadness that the established ritual spaces I'm aware of tend to not be pagan. I'd like to see more established ritual spaces for all different kinds of people.

Of course, one of my consolation prizes is that I've gotten a better awareness of being able to worship anywhere under the sun. But christians can do that too!

I find it interesting getting to know you, and to learn about how you think and believe. Thank you for being so open!

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Yes, I'm firmly a monotheist, or tritheist depending on how one views the Christian trinity. It is OK in my framework to accept or venerate references to lesser entities -- angels, saints, or perhaps the pagan deities -- but not overt worship of such.

I look at it as there being a large intangible universe in parallel with and surrounding our physical universe, where things like theorems or computer programs have existence.

Sorry that you feel cut off from that source of ritual and music... but I respect feelings of pain and scariness coming from that direction.

And thanks, yourself, for sharing.

[inflectionpoint.livejournal.com]

On a lighter note, I once managed to get into one of the larger catholic churches in SF with my friend Ning, who is both Chinese and not any flavor of christian at all.

We were there for a musical performance, and afterward walked around a little bit. He had some questions about aspects of the decor, and I explained to him a little bit about why catholic churches are built the way they are. There are reasons for many parts of the design and even the furnishings and decorations throughout the year. Strange how that stuff lingers in the mind.

Anyway, eventually he wanted to know what was going on with the concept of the holy trinity. And I explained a bit to him, including the fact that in my former tradition, the holy spririt is often represented as a dove.

And then...

He looked me dead on, with a serious expression and said, "So you... you... you pray to a bird?!?"

His humor and gentle teasing were a wonderful gift to me at that moment.

And no, I don't currently pray to any birds, doves or otherwise.

I'm enjoying getting to you better and hoping that the holidays are treating you well. Twas fun to not-break-in to your house, by the way.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

His sense of humor and perspective sound like a gift to those around him.