easier, in some ways

[jay]

As the nominal "holiday" season moves into its more-intense mode... not just shopping and secular consumerism, but various spiritual or philosophical observances... in some ways, being on the road is easier than being at home, in that I'm not caught in-between the social and spiritual. Good friends are hosting pagan events... Yule or Solstice... today and next Tuesday. Many of my local SF-area friends are likely to be at one or both of these... if I were home they'd be unlikely to accompany me to a Christmas service, so I'd feel funny about joining their observances likewise as a non-participant guest. Even certain local parties with pagan overtones leave me feeling a bit uneasy at times, and I generally miss those that are tied to specific dates or observances. Meanwhile, even at our home church (St. Timothy's Episcopal, in Mountain View) I'm viewed there as an outsider, somewhat suspect because of my other relationships (and not allowed to serve in volunteer roles).

Last year, we stayed in CA and it felt a bit divisive or isolating around this time, for me. This year, that isn't an option... more a matter of deciding which local church to attend as visitors on Christmas. Easier, if still rather disconnected from friends and community.

Comments

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

I think if you were here and you were to invite us to attend a service with you and our schedule were open we'd seriously consider it. I don't think of myself specifically as "Pagan" but as "Christo-Pagan", incoroporating more honor of nature and old ways into my still quiet but deep devotion to the sacrifice and life-led-as-example that Jesus provided.

As it is, we are hoping to attend midnight Mass at a Catholic or Episcopal church this year.

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

Hm. That's a bit unexpected to me, and I'll make note of it. I'd probably be slow to invite anyone -- not because I wouldn't want your company, but rather because I'm concerned about seeming to prosletyze (which IMO is impolite among friends).

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I think it is also true that your church meets some needs for your family, that may not apply to friends who are not families that include small children. (Granted, I've not been to the other services, which may have a different feel/flavor to them).

[brian1789.livejournal.com]

It's a family-friendly environment... and part of my motivation for staying has been that I wanted my kids to be in a spiritual environment, and educated, and able to participate. And patgreene has friends and roots there... I saw myself as staying primarily to support them.

In any case, the other services have a different feel from the 9am children's service... more ritual, more traditional liturgy.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I don't want to come across as being really critical or cranky here. I know that at this time of year, there is a lot of attention to "family" and "home" that can serve to alienate me, and so I get more sensitive to it. I grew up in a family that doesn't meet the definition of "family" being used in "family-friendly". I am currently in an extended family that doesn't meet that definition either. Unless my family is welcome, I'm not going to use a term like "family-friendly".

[hobbitbabe.livejournal.com]

One of the things that I look for in a church community is some recognition and celebration of people who don't fit that pattern of two partners plus kids. My last two churches have been downtown congregations, with lots of single people, queer people, people who don't bring their households with them to church ... and the one before that was a university-campus congregation full of academics and students and foreigners.

I'm still not very "out" as a poly person there (because I'd rather be distant and accepted than risk being more open) but I'm pretty sure that a lot of people there just assume that I'm "one of the lesbians." Which is fine.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

I'm assumed to be "one of the lesbians", but I think I've managed to dispell that, by bringing three different guys I was dating to church. Hmmm, interestingly enough, I decided to stop dating 2/3 of them. Kept the best one!

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

Just remember that how you view things doesn't always match how others view them. I invite friends to church all the time...they either take me up on it or they don't. I don't invite them to prosletyze but perhaps because they might feel comfortable there or I think it might resonate with them or because of the music.

I actually just had this conversation recently with a gentleman who both he and his wife are of a pagan bent but not quite. She's about to go through a ritual she'd like him to attend. He doesn't want to because he doesn't quite believe the same and doesn't want to seem like he's supporting "that faith path without reserve". I reminded him that he can say, I'd love to go and share your joy and support you in your path without converting himself.

There's never anything wrong with saying to a sweetie or friend, "I know you don't believe the way I do but I [think you'd really like the music this time] [the message that's going to be shared this time] [would really like your support/presence at this event]."

I think I've said it before...you only ever here no always in your own mind. If you don't ask, you don't allow the opportunity for a yes to happen and for your life to be that much more full. You have to be willing and ready to accept a "no" without rancor or too much disappointment but you certainly don't want to lose out on those possible yesses.

[tenacious-snail.livejournal.com]

hmmm, could you let me know where you are going? I might like to come with

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

Will do!

[deedeebythebay.livejournal.com]

Will do.